Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in a4play's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, November 11th, 2009
7:44 pm	Let it happen One of the benefits of being sick is that you have some extra down time to surf the web (as if I don't do that enough already!) During that down time today I stumbled across this video: It is a one hour documentary about the quickest growing cosmetic surgery in the UK: Labiaplasty. Apparently it is a surgery where a doctor removes part of the labia minora. The reason? Girls feel their vagina is unattractive. If you have the time watch the documentary it is very well done, however it can be a little hard to watch at times, as there is very explicit video of the surgery being performed. The concept that someone would maim their genitals in the name of aesthetics seems utterly appalling, however I think it gives us an opportunity to consider several other issues at hand. Essentially what this surgery is doing is removing "excess" skin. Although "female circumcision" is different from this surgery, I think it is definitively the equivalent, the difference being that (at least in the US) circumcision (Male) is justified by health benefits. Despite those whether or not there truly are health benefits (there is quite a bit of debate about that) consider why a parent would have their child circumcized. Imagine if you are an American woman who has only had sexual intercourse with men who are circumsized. It's all you ever seen. Your husband whom you love and find very attractive is circumsized. Even without any knowledge of potential health benefits, there is a great chance you'll have your son circumsized. Consider now if you are An American (circumsized) man. You remember playing sports in high school, and everyone picking on that one kid in the locker room who wasn't "cut." You remember guys calling him out on it at parties and girls reacting with disgusted faces. So why is such a procedure so widely accepted for men, but the thought of women doing something of this nature, to "enhance their look" found to be so distasteful? I would say the biggest difference is at least the people having a labiaplasty performed are at least making a conscious decision about it, where as the majority of circumsized had no say in the matter. Now what really bothers me about labiaplasty is I find it absolutely disturbing how far people will go for the attention of the opposite sex (or same sex if the person is gay I suppose). Is this not where diseases like anorexia and boulemia stem from? Now being someone who has spent their fair share of time in the gym understands the idea of appealing to sexuality and looking good, but personally I find it quite useless to look good if you have deep rooted security issues. To be quite honest if a woman told me she had a labiaplasty, I would be scared to go near "it." Truthfully it would freak me about a bit. We buy clothes, get hair colored, remove hair, workout, skip out on foods we love to eat, put on make-up, we do all these things to look good to the opposite sex. Where do we draw the line? How many things do we do in our lives that we claim is for ourselves, but really is for someone else? And do the ends justify the means? Personally I workout because I enjoy it. I enjoy the pain of workout out. The sweat, the burn. I love being strong, I love breathing heavily. I won't lie, I also love the way it makes my body looks (although there are certain ways to train soley for aesthetics that I forgo to build functional strength) Tattoos are the same thing. I have tattoos because they meant something to me. I thought the pain of the ink being injected into my skin would be a constant reminder of important things...and that's exactly what they are. Despite my love for the beauty of my tattoos, the real pleasure I get from them was when they were actually being pinned into me. For that 30, 60, 90 minutes of pain so many things go through your mind and body. Unbelievable pain, self-inflicted pain. It hurts, and it hurts so good. I definitely feel a sense of pride when someone says "I like your tattoos." But most of my tattoos are hidden, most people never see them. But I know they are there, and I enjoy them. I also find it interesting how we try so hard to impress people yet reject them at the same time. For example, someone would probably say confidence trumps aesthetics, but if someone was just disgusting, but confident, we'd probably call them cocky because we feel they aren't good enough to be confident. The documentary above makes the claim that because we are more liberated sexually in this day-in-age is why people have a greater obsession with being aesthetically pleasing. I disagree. We should be sexually liberated, but sexual liberation comes with a responsibility, and that responsibility is instilling values in children to understand what is important and what isn't. We exploit ourselves in ways we should never have approached in the first place. Look at the popularity of reality TV. Why is it so popular? Because it appeals to the fantasy that the average joe (or Jane) can be "famous."  Look at the reality star that was just hacked to pieces and stuffed into a suit case by her husband (also appearing on several reality shows.) As that case evolved, and more information came to light, there were so many different sides to the story. Some people say that she was a gold digger, and just married this guy because he was rich. Her friends claim the only reason he married her was to get a US Visa (he was from Canada) One thing was obvious though: Both of these people were extremely shallow and driven by vanity. You have to wonder when it is going to end though. I'd be happy if people spent time being healthy, and intelligent. I don't care how beautiful you are, if you are intellectually ugly, I'll have no interest. But a lot of the time I feel like I'm the odd man out with my opinions. I know personally there are some things I dsilike about my body that can only be changed with surgery. It makes you wonder if I lived before certain surgeries existed, if I would ever even think about it, or just accept it for what it was. I've asked myself if I could afford certain surgeries if I'd have them done. The answer I came up with is: no, I would not, but then again I don't have the money...so who really knows if I'm being honest with myself. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 14th, 2009
9:42 pm	Two Crows Two crows peck along the ground A New Hampshire dirt road I'm sure they cackle and caw My distance hides their sound Morning sun breaks through the trees Lining their backs with silver At least I imagine I would know for sure had I been nearer Two crows walk along my dirt road And they don't even notice me A symbol of death Looking for life Between the sand and rocks And I trapped with thoughts in my mind Go unnoticed by the two crows (Comment on this)
Monday, September 14th, 2009
9:43 pm	Hook, line and sinker I had a feeling today. It was a feeling I wish that I could experience for ever. It hit me out of no where. I am continually surprised how effected by music I can be, but today I do not think that was the only thing contributing to my experience.                My legs were tired from my hike this morning. My face warm from the sun cast down on my skin. The cool late summer air flowing into my car from the open window. Not a single care in the world. Just peaceful. A moment of curiosity. A moment of hope. The challenges I face in the near future, were there in my mind, but for a short moment, were not tormenting my heart. These hurdles I face, serve no purpose to discuss. At least not here. These are personal battles, that I need not support, just strength that must come from within.                 In this moment, how strange it was to have music filling me ears, yet the world felt quiet…No the world felt more than quiet, it felt silent. As if I was watching myself from the outside. The soundtrack to a movie scene. A scene where I drive off into the sun sitting low in the afternoon sky, and everyone wonders where I go. The scene where no one ever sees me again, and you get to make up your own story. You get to decide in your own mind, if I live, or if I die. It’s like faith. You have no fact to back up what you believe. But belief is absolute. When you believe something, then it doesn’t matter what happens, because what you have faith in is as good as the truth. And there is no truth in life, meaning, there is no truth in the breathe we take, the stars that light the sky, the air that we breathe. There is no truth in these things. There is no truth in the ground we are buried in once we die, there is no truth in the wood that caskets our bodies. So there is no truth in what you decide happens to that character that drives off in the music of silence. There is no truth in whether or not that person is me, or you, or someone you know. Whatever you think happens, is better than the truth. Because it’s what you believe. Current Music: Explosions in the Sky- To West Texas (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, August 27th, 2009
11:10 pm	Until my blood boils. This time last year, I was getting ready to spend my last night in Pennsylvania. My last night on an old mattress on a floor of an otherwise nearly empty room. Tomorrow morning, I'm going to wake up, eat breakfast, cook food to bring to work for lunch, not unlike any other day. This time last year, when I was to woke up in the morning, I packed the rest of my things into my car, and drove to New Hampshire. I had to be back in New Hampshire before the 29th. My birthday. I didn't want to make the interstate drive with an unregistered car. I didn't really have a plan, just the faith in myself that it didn't matter, and I needed to make a move to make myself happier. Here I am, 365 days later, and I am not at all happier. Not in the least. The 23rd year of my life has easily been the worst. Physically, mentally, emotionally, financially. In every way possible this past year has been a complete failure. You see in the spring of 2008, I was coming to the end of the semester in school. I was working full time at the gym, and barely breaking even monetarily. Gas prices were at an all time high, and that wasn't conducive to commuting 45 minutes one way to school. Not to mention as a personal trainer you don't make most of your money on a flat fee from the gym, you get by on your private training sessions from private clients. Winter time is easily the busiest season for a trainer...and a college student. Hard to take on clients when you are a full time student with a commute. Summer comes along, your schedule opens up, and the gyms empty out. With credit cards maxed out, school loans exhausted, no substantial financial support from my family, I was forced to take the carrot dangling in front of me: move to PA. The subtext there is: Leave a lot of things you love, and work like a slave. Most people asked why I chose moving to PA instead of continuing with school. I didn't choose. I had no choice. There was no way I could afford another semester of college. Let me tell you about the hell that was Pennsylvania; I basically worked absurd hours, with days off coming once every three weeks or so. Living in a place where I knew no one, working completely by myself. Daily. The schedule was so stressful it drained me physically, and mentally. I didn't write, I didn't exercise. I didn't do shit, with the exception of work, and attempt to sleep. Now at the time things didn't seem totally bleak. I don't necessarily mind being by myself. At times I need very little to be satisfied. On the bright side, I made a decent salary (though nothing on par with the time I put in) and I was looking forward to setting myself up for a future with a girl I felt like I could spend the rest of my life with. And slowly, I started to realize things weren't what they seemed. I was going to throw my life away working for this company (for reasons I don't care to discuss anymore, it's been talked about. It's over). Oh and that girl? Well she has an advanced case of ADD, because it didn't take long for "out of sight, out of mind" to fully engage. So coming back to New Hampshire, I had no plan. I wasn't unemployed very long, but I haven't done anything in the last year that I loved. And I've suffered from it consequently. It has taken a lot of time to get my motivation back on track, back to the person I used to be. Who is that person? In my opinion it was someone who was very creative, expressive, and healthy, not just in body but in mind. I feel like a shell of my former self, and I feel buried by my financial responsibilities. I'm sure there are people out there that have it much worse than me, and I know there are a lot of people out there who are facing hardships, and people who stress about money, but given the type of person that I am, I don't want to spend my life fighting a battle over this type of bullshit. I wish I had the time to be as creative as I can be.  I look back at this past 12 months, and there is not a single thing that I care to remember. Not one moment of satisfaction. I have a lot of resentments for a lot of things, but I know ultimately I'm the only one that can get me out of this whole, and if the past few years have taught me anything, it's that you can't depend on anyone. So this is a big fuck you, to my 23rd year of life, and my vow that my 24th will be the best year yet, even if it kills me. Right now I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, but I know it's has to be there, some where, and I'll keep going till I get to it, or that tunnel caves in on me. Current Music: Snow Patrol (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, August 21st, 2009
11:20 pm	I could barely recognize your face Livejournal has these notes on their home page that are supposed to give you ideas on what to write about. Today is: If you had your own radio or television station, what would it be called and what kind of programming would it play? Who would write about that? Seriously. I don't think anyone gives a damn what my imaginary radio station plays. Anyone that knows me knows what it would be anyway. Metal. As far as television goes, it would be all educational programming, to teach people how to act right, like the mindless yuppie that inspired this entry today... I'm stuck in traffic, because everyone is out living their American dream, which consists spending the vast majority of their lives working a job that has no moral implications, or real consequences, it just fills their pockets while they brush shoulders with the millions of similar drones in their respective cities. In the fleeting moments of freedom they come to clog up my personal space. They come to use my roads, my lakes, my rivers, my mountains. I could delve much deeper into all of that, but this is not the point of the entry. The point is the one yuppie directly in front of me. First of all she was driving a Prius hybrid. In case you don't know how bad for the environment and incredibly stupid hybrid technology is, I suggest you start educating yourself immediately. Driving a hybrid just screams "I can't think for myself, and I'm a pseudo-intellectual douchebag that thinks I'm forward thinking, but really I'm just a sheep, with a diet solely of the bullshit mainstream media has fed me!" I didn't have time to read all the vegetarian bumper stickers on her car, I would just like to note that she also had an Obama 08 sticker (surprise, surprise!) and a 26.2 sticker. For those unaware, 26.2 is the length of a full marathon. People put the stickers on their cars after they have completed them. I think it is quite the obnoxious flaunt, and also quite comical. People hold running in such high regard. If you want to do it, great. If you have fun doing it, awesome. But don't act as if it is some kind of accomplishment that people should envy. you could run 126.2 miles and I wouldn't give a damn. And neither should anyone other than you. I've squatted over 400lbs, I've deadlifted nearly 500, I've won powerllifting competitions. Do you see any stickers about that on the back of my car? No. The best part is most of these people haven't even won a marathon. Merely just competed. I hope to compete in a grappling tournament at some point in the next year, I'm not about to go throw a NAGA sticker on the back of my car. Here is this wonderfully stupid human in front of me, and she is of the worst kind: One that thinks she is smart. Driving her Earth corroding hybrid, with stickers all over the back of (and I'm sure there are no environmental tolls from the production and distribution of those stickers right?) Supporting a man who has a giant airplane (Air Force One) solely for his transportation, and his transportation alone. Sitting at a standstill at green lights, wasting gas, braking too late and too hard, producing unnecessary amounts of brake dust, and least importantly to the world, but most importantly to me: getting in my fucking way. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 18th, 2009
10:28 pm	Wandering It has been quite sometime since I have posted. I have been writing, I just haven't been sharing. I'm planning big things, but I needed to be alone with my thoughts for a while. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 30th, 2009
10:59 pm	Solo You look at amazing works of art, in one medium or another. Music, paint, literature, amazing epics of each medium. Did that just flow out of the creator all at once, or did they frustratingly chip away at it until it was complete? Does it depend on the medium? I've had these unbelievable moments in my life where it seems as though creativity just pours out of me, and I can do no wrong. Everything I write or say is magic. But it is fleeting. That is why I have kept to short stories... but this, this takes too long. How can anyone produce something this big in a moment of genius. That must be one really long moment. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 27th, 2009
9:55 pm	9 weeks What can be accomplished in 9 weeks? I think a lot, but for most, not much. Just the same tedious everyday tasks. The weeks seem to be flying by, yet everything in my life feels as though it is at a stand still. I know I've been at points in my life where it feels like there isn't enough time in each day, but this time around, there really isn't enough time in the day. That's because I've let things get out of hand, let things slip away from me, that I should have stayed on top of. Do you ever wonder what you are paying for when you go to a restaurant  to eat? Are you paying for the service, the food, the atmosphere, or something else? The idea of someone working as a servant to another seems odd to me. Almost like you are temporarily renting a butler. The  ultra-rich have servants full time, do we pay to momentarily experience the feeling of extreme wealth? How many times have you been dissatisfied with your server at a restaurant, while the place was slammed, they were sweating their ass of trying to get everything done with a smile on their face? It's so odd to have to serve someone you don't know. I don't ask things of those I don't know personally. When I eat out at a restaurant, there are times I try to dig a little bit deeper into the life of the server. It can be difficult at times, because when at a restaurant, rarely are you a server's sole responsibility. It's this awkward dance of forced politeness, and exchange of the correct comments. So odd the interactions we have with one another. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 24th, 2009
4:02 pm	California Chronicles Part Two You may be wondering if this entry is titled "California Chronicles Part Two," where part one may be. Part one was written the first time I traveled to California, some four years ago. The original California Chronicles were hand written in a notepad. I don't recall what I wrote about, I don't even know where the notepad is. I don't even remember if I later posted those writings in this online journal. What I do remember is that my nights in California were sleepless. I was, at the time, on vacation with my family. Though it didn't help, it wasn't my fathers snoring that kept me awake. Fast forward to late 2007. Once again I am on vacation, this time another part of the country: the south. Once again I am sleepless. No it wasn't my best friend's snoring with whom I was sharing a room. Fast forward again to May 2008, and once again I am sleepless. This time there is no one snoring. I am by myself. Surely you are curious as to what is stealing my counting of sheep. No, it is not some overwhelming condition of home sickness. Perhaps it is a coincidence, it just seems that any time I depart from my cozy corner of the country I happen to be infested with thoughts I cannot control. Thoughts of women, women who have some how convinced me that they are of importance to my life. My first time I traveled here to California, I was heart broken over a break-up with the first girl I felt I ever truly loved. Today she is just a shadow of a memory. I had hoped traveling across the country would have inspired some miracle of writing which would release me from my heart ache. Nothing revolutionary came. Now I sit in Los Angeles. I've been in California for six days. If there was any loss of sleep this time it was because I've been sleeping on a couch. This time there has been nothing on my mind. Literally nothing. I've taken these meager six days as an absence from reality. There hasn't been anything ground breaking on this trip, no real revelation. But there are things that I want to talk about, things I saw, things I heard...things I didn't expect. Coming from a smaller town, with small minded people, it's generally seen as a sucess if you get up, and get the hell out. Where do east coast kids always want to go? California. Everything is happening in California. Better jobs, better people, better weather, better nice life...supposedly. So I was a bit surprised when a young woman I met this weekend talked about her self-disdain due to the fact that she has spent her whole life in her home town: Newport Beach, California. Newport Beach provided me one of the most enjoyable weekends in recent memory. The weather is gorgeous, the beach is readily available, the restaurants are nice, the bars are packed, and there are beautiful people every where. Hollywood is just up the road, everyone is driving around in a Mercedes Benz, BMW, Maserati, Porsche, or Ferarri. What's not to love about this place? Two of my very good friends live out here. They were from small New Hampshire towns just like me. Both of them seem to be enjoying their time here. Neither seem 100% happy. I always had this feeling that one thing would or could make me happy. I was always one thing away from being satisfied...if I could just have that one thing. At times it was money, at times it was a motorcycle or car, I hate to say it but sometimes it was a girl. But hearing this girl talk about her desire to leave this amazingly beautiful, and fun place, reaffirms the idea that there is nothing out there that can make me happy. Only myself. And if I obtain all the things that I think I want in life, and I am still not happy with who I am, or what I am, or where I am, then that means the answer is only inside of myself. It means that happiness is not an object, it's not even an emotion, it's a perspective. I think I could be happy in California, but I think I could also be happy in New Hampshire, or North Carolina, or a number of other places. I am actually very excited to return to New Hampshire tomorrow. Not because I miss it there, or I necessarily miss anyone there, but when I return I'll be able to facilitate myself to accomplish what I want. It is a possibility that a lot of what I have accomplished is more a matter of me being stubborn, rather then driven. I want that to change. There is a lot that I feel like I have yet to be accomplished. But at this point I have to thank everyone in my life past or present, kind or cruel, honest or truthless. Each of you have taught me something valuable, and helped to shape who I am. My friends, I love you. My family I'm learning to endure you, my enemies I shall never forget you. (Comment on this)
Thursday, March 12th, 2009
7:13 pm	This is why I hate humanity First watch this: http://webcastr.com/videos/underground/Teen-Commits-Suicide-Sexting-is-to-Blame-Jesse-Logan.com (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 11th, 2009
9:31 pm	With the devil's head in my hands This evening is the second evening in a  row that I found myself out and about, my mind racing with thoughts. I could not wait to get home and write about all the things I was thinking about. Both nights when I arrived home, the desire vanishing. Literally disappearing. Tonight however I've decided to force myself to write anyway, in the hope that the desire, and rational and provocative thoughts will return to me. I'm not entirely sure what these happenings mean. I think maybe it means I need a change of pace. I know I'll be getting one soon, but maybe not soon enough. Recently I've noticed that I have been spending more and more time by myself. This isn't exactly a conscious choice, more of a force of habit, or routine. Interestingly enough there have been quite a few people from my past popping up in my life, showing signs of interest, only to quickly dissipate. Handfuls of people have called me, sent me e-mails, sent me text messages, telling me how much they missed me, and how they wanted to see me. Only to later ditch plans, not return phone calls, not return e-mails, not return text messages. I really do not understand this at all. Why go out of your way to get my attention only to later blow me off? I understand that my peers lives' are different today then they were yesterday, with more and more of us having greater responsibilities, but in all honesty who has more responsibility then me? Very few, and I can still find time to see people in an attempt to make them happy. I am actually quite content keeping to myself. Deep down I am an artist, there is this creative side to me, that introverted art-weirdo side of me. Despite my normally loud, goofy, and outspoken personality I have a side of me that is infatuated with sadness, darkness, anger, wonder, and lust. I really do not care if it's typical, or cliche, or strange, it is part of who I am, and it has produced some very beautiful things, that I appreciate, and others have appreciated. It also seems that the older I get, the less concerns I have for the things I used to hold in high regard. Two items that rank high on that list are my personal safety and human life. There was once a time when I was what some would call a philanthropist, now I feel like humanity is an insignificant spec on the face of the Earth. When I start to think about all the arbitrary tasks we all perform each day just to satisfy the silly standards we've created for ourselves, and the biggest concern on everyone's mind is self preservation. We need to beat cancer, we need to beat aids,  we need to beat malaria, we need to beat heart disease. There are 6.6 billion people on the planet. That is so many people that at any given moment you can pick an arbitrary task and guarantee someone is doing it. right. now. Right now someone is giving birth. Right now someone is shoveling snow. Right now someone is accepting a marriage proposal. Right now someone is crashing their car. Right now someone is committing suicide. Right now someone is contracting an STD. 6.6 billion people. I cannot help but wonder if many of the disease doctors spend billions of dollars on trying to cure even existed before there were this many people on the planet. With so many diseases without clear causes, I can't help but wonder if it is just merely genetic mutation due to a vague case of inbreeding. How many bacterias have mutated to create new and never before seen problems? Either way all these diseases are mother nature's way of keeping the population down, yet we keep overcoming these things. I actually believe if we out smart mother nature, we will be hanging ourselves. Extinction. So where does that leave us? Well I used to think that it was my personal responsibility to save everyone. Now I feel like it's my personal responsibility to enjoy myself. Funny thing is, I enjoy myself quite a bit when I'm helping others. And with all the HUGE issues that are on our plates as humans and as Americans, I find it hard to believe that people think that they are so important that they can blow me (or anyone else) off. I've seen people lately with these enormous voids in their lives, and I've watched them scratch and claw in attempts to fill those voids. For some it's been bearing a child (probably worse way to try fix a personal problem in my opinion, your life is already shit so why not bring someone else along for the ride!) For others it's been attaching themselves to a significant other that is more then clearly just the first person who came along. Others try to fill their void by using other people, some by spending money on useless things. In truth we all have our own personal measurements for success, and we all have the things that make us happy, yet I feel like there are some standards that everyone should abide by. A certain moral code. Sure I think there should be about half the people on the planet then there actually is, that doesn't mean I resent those who are living. They were not chosen to be here, just like I wasn't chosen to be here. My own death would be a step in the right direction as far as population goes. If  someone wanted to wipe out a million people, there is nothing that should qualify me to be excluded from that group. But if we are going to be here thrashing through the planet, shouldn't we at least try to make the most of our time here? I can't help but look at the territorial battles that have taken place over the few thousand years humanity has been here. All those that murdered for land, eventually died, and truth be told the earth doesn't care where you lay down to die, your soul will fade away just the same in any place. If we MUST be here, then why can't we be kind to one another? If we are going to be here why can't we realize that being here is a privelage? If we must be here what makes us think we have the right to bring others here?  I am going to repeat myself: I am at the age where many of my peers are beginning to have children. I am a firm believer  that one shouldn't have a child until they have justified their own existence (though the requirements of that justification are blurry in my mind, I know I have not reached them). Given the insane amount of  people that roam the earth people still feel the need to reproduce regularly. Over and over I've heard people say "it's a mothers' instinct." or "it's a maternal clock." Well guess what, It's my instinct to fight other men, to reproduce with any mate I may find, and fight violently to keep her as my own. But I don't go out raping women and beating people up. Why? Because I am a human fucking being,  and we have rational thought. I know that I don't have kill an animal for food, I can just buy some meat at the store. I know I don't have to rape a woman because I can have an emotional relationship with one instead. I know I don't have to beat another guy to keep him away from my girlfriend because he isn't going to rape her. So why is it so difficult for people to realize that they can adopt a child, instead of bringing ANOTHER ONE into the world. "Hey there are 6.6 billion people on the planet, there is a definite lack of natural resources, are agricultural system is likely to collapse in the next 5 years, there is pollution every where from all the people, disease is strickening some of the bigger countries in the world, children are dying due to famine and dehydration, poverty and homelessness surround us, I can barely financially support myself in the worst economy my country has seen since the great depression, but gee ya know, I feel like I need to have a baby." Sometimes I think about all the drug addicts, rapists, muderers, child molesters, theives, etc... and I wonder if they hadn't been born, would others just have taken there place? I doubt it. This entry spans personal issues all the way to global ones. They are one in the same. If people are failing on an accute level of personal relationship and awareness, how can we collectively survive? You think you need someone else to survive? You don't. All you need is yourself. You think what you want is all that matters? It's not, because if everyone was focused on satisfying you, they wouldn't be able to exist, and then there would be no on there to provide for you what you so eloquently made yourself dependent on them for. And when you die those who weep for you will surely die too, and if you've spent your whole life only satisfying yourself, you'll be the first to be forgotten. Current Music: my crazy brain (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, February 5th, 2009
10:18 pm	Updates I know I haven't posted in a really long time. There have been a lot of things that have been provoking my thoughts lately. A lot of things are musical, or bigger projects that I can't just throw on here and update everyone immediately. There are going to be some big changes, and a really big surprise for everyone in the next couple of months. So stay tuned. Also check out my fitness log at www.livejournal.com/users/forcefedfreak I am going to be tracking my workouts daily. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 13th, 2009
8:04 pm	I traced my blood back to the gods I think I am going to cut right to the chase. I am not really in the mood to put much fluff here. Right now I just do not have it in me to try to wow anyone with acrobatic literature. I've spent the better part of the last three days in a car, doing things I'd rather not do, eating food I'd rather not eat. I was supposed to drive to Cape Cod, to have a RMV-1 form (yeah whatever the fuck that is) stamped by an insurance agency, so I could then bring the RMV-1 form to a Mass Registry in Plymouth, MA, to then deliver a car to Coventry, RI. I don't know why I was at all surprised that when I made my way to the registry I was assigned a number, and had to wait for 45 minutes before I could even talk to anyone. Naturally when I talked to them, I was informed that I did not have the proper documentation required to register the vehicle. An original copy of a signed odometer statement. My copy was not good enough. Did it matter that I had just drive 3 hours to do this? No. My problems did not matter. Why not? Because there is a system, and that system chains me to a 3x8" piece of paper, with someone's name scribbled on it with an immeasurable amount of ink, that came from a pen that was carved out of a larger piece of plastic, by a machine, in a factory, a machine ran by someone who goes to work in the same factory everyday, pushing the same buttons every day to make money to buy things they don't need. And how did the pen get to the person's hand? Of course it was shipped in a truck or a plane, driven by a person that drives a truck every day to make money, to buy things they don't need. And who built the truck that the driver drove? A person who goes to work in a factory every day, pushing the same buttons on the same machine, just to make money to buy things they don't need. And of course why did I need to bring a car to Ri in the first place? So some person can have a way to get to work, to make money, to pay for their car, and the other things they probably don't need. And on my second trip to Plymouth, MA to the same registry, talking to the same miserable women, who go to that clustered place every day to make money, to stay afloat as the chains of humanity try to pull them under, I overheard a receptionist telling an applicant for license that they need 4 forms of I.D. to take the drivers test. The receptionist said this in such a matter of fact way, like it's blatantly obvious that you would need 4 forms, and that it is the most important thing in the world that you have 4 forms. What is the most important thing in your life? Is it a tangible object? Is it a personal attribute, is it another person? What is it? Is there anything in your life that if taken away, you would just give up and end yourself? I mean really, what are we doing here? We all want a nice house, a nice car, a nice TV, nice clothes. But for what? We are eating away at our true home, we are killing the one thing that gives us life, and for what 70 years of selfishness? How insignificant is one life? But as the masses we are unbelievably strong and overwhelming, and now there are so many of us we need to regulate everything or else it will get out of hand. We need jobs to buy the things we want, but we need cars to get us to our jobs, and we need roads to use our cars on, and we need licensing and registration to organize those cars, and we need paper and pens to create the licenses and registrations, and we need cars to get the paper and pens to the people who are the registerers and registerees, and of course we need people to monitor the registering and licensing, and they need cars to get to the place where we do that kind of thing, and how could I forget where people buy cars, we need a company to make them, and then people to sell them, but how could I sell them if you didn't know they were there? So there needs to be a way for people hear about them, so we advertise on the television you bought but don't need, and you hear about it on the radio you listen to in the car you drive to get to the place to make money to buy the TV you didn't need. But I am getting paid to tell you about the car so you can't trust me, so there needs to be a group of people who's job it is to test things out and talk about them, and on, and on, and on. What would you do if there was only a hundred thousand people in the world total? Or ten thousand, or a thousand, or a hundred? What would you do? What if you woke up tomorrow, and there were only a hundred people left in the world, scattered all over the planet. Would you bother to dress up? Would you turn on the TV? Would you try to check your e-mail? What would you do? I know what I would do. Current Music: the acacia strain (Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 24th, 2008
8:33 pm	Top 10 Albums of 2008 It is that time of year again, where I stick everyone in the face with my grubby opinions. All in all I purchased 50 2008 album releases. Nearly one a week. And although there is one week left in the year, there is nothing about to be released (to my knowledge) that I think would mind blowing. So here it is, my top 10 Albums of 2008. 10. Secret Lives of the Free Masons- Weekend Warriors I was turned on to this band by a friend, and although I haven't taken the time to compare this album to their older music, I would say this album is as good of an introduction to the band as anything else they could have put out. Overall this album is extremely high energy, fortunately not in an overly poppy way. But just as the title states, it's high charged, and ready for fun. Even when the band makes slight stabs at more important things then drinking beer and partying (like girls, and backstabbing friends) they don't lose their fun, and amped up feel. It seems more and more there are far fewer albums that I can listen to start to finish, without skipping tracks. This is one of those albums. This band is so much fun, it's hard not to like them. Even the most serious of characters will find themselves singing along, and tapping their foot to the songs, hours after listening, as they easily get stuck in your head. And with song titles like "XanaX" "Chug and Leave" and "Life begins at 40oz" you know these guys are here to party. Stand out tracks: "Chug and Leave", "Airplanes" 9. Norma Jean- The Anti-Mother Norma Jean is an extremely easy band to hate with all the "emo" (ugh) tweens (ugh x2) running around with their t-shirts on, but sometimes you have to let a band's image go, and just listen to the music. And while listening to The Anti-Mother you'll hear something extremely familiar...the same dirty and raw riffage that Norma Jean has been doing for so long now (despite the member changes). It seems the band has lost some of it's original fans over it's last two releases, but there are songs that give you the chill of anticipation like their older tracks ("Like bringing a knife to a gun fight"). Interestingly enough Norma Jean calls on Chino Moreno of the Deftones to appear on a few different songs. I found this quite interesting due to the fact that Norma Jean was born of the band Luti-Kriss, and when originally introduced to Luti-Kriss many years ago, my best friend described them as "Deftones on speed." Chino's dreamy and again "raw" vocal stylings mesh perfectly with Norma Jean's sometimes ambient music. The Anti-Mother definitely utilizes a less-is-more approach, making it not so much about a break down, but letting a song breath (Much like a standout blues player lets a solo breath), but if you are looking for an album to amp you up, you should have this one your list. Hard, raw, aggressive, well-produced, and at times slightly catchy (In a brutal way of course) Stand out tracks: "Robots 3 HUmans 0", "Discipline your Daughters" 8. Atmosphere- When Life Gives you Lemons, Paint that Shit Gold Admittedly when I first purchased this album, I hated it. It wasn't because I had high expectations (in fact I think Atmosphere for the most part is hit or miss), but I just didn't give it a fair listen. I was looking for what Atmosphere has delivered before, hard beats, hard lyrics. I wasn't looking for (or expecting) the lyrical depth that this album produces. I will say that even now there are a few beats I am not too crazy about, but the lyrical content overrides any of that. Slug doesn't shy away from any topic on this album, but focuses mostly on issues that far too many Americans deal with in their life time, parents splitting up, teen pregnancies, family members dying, homelessnes, drug and alcohol addictions. If you are looking for ring-tone-rap, i'm sorry, but this isn't your album. Despite there being some production on this album that isn't my style, there are some songs that are straight up motivation. "Puppets" starts with a simple clap and piano sound in the background, no drums, letting Slug express some things verbally, but when the beat finally breaks, it evokes an incredibly overwhelming feeling, delivering that powerful expression that Atmosphere does so well. I don't know what it was like to live Slug's life, but I have a much better idea after listening to this album. It's probably the only album that can take me from wanting to stand on the counter at a bar and pump my fist, to nearly breaking down in tears all in the same hour. Stand out tracks: "Dreamer", "Your Glass House", "The Waitress" 7. Game- LAX Files I've been a fan of Game since his debut, and it doesn't hurt that he usually has the top producers in the game spinning beats for him, but he has a quality that a lot of other popular rappers are lacking, and that's a passion for making music that he wants to make, not what other people necessarily want to hear. For example the song "Angel" has such a ridiculously old-school beat, that most suburban whities would cringe at, but Game slaps it smack dab in the middle of the record, and kills it lyrically and makes it work. Game also takes listeners into deeper waters with "Never can Say Goodbye" a song about the loss of hip-hop icons Notorious BIG, Tupac, and other rap legends. Game flows, the production is nuts, it has lyrical content, I don't know what more you could want from a hip-hop album. It's an instant classic. Stand out tracks: "State of Emergency", "LAX Files" 6. The Ghost Inside- Fury and the Fallen Ones I can't quite recall how I stumbled upon this band, but it is nearly everyday I am thankful that I did. This album is a derivation of metal-core, no two ways about it. There is nothing new here, nothing revolutionary musically, but they do what they do, so damn well. Everything from guitar tone, to drums, to the singers scream is just perfect. This band doesn't bludgeon you over the head with needless and seemingly endless breakdowns. Instead they provide a high paced in your face album utilizing punk-style beats, brutal chugs, off-chords, and the type of screaming that even an un-trained ear could understand lyrically. The Ghost Inside is Killswitch Engage meets The Acacia Strain meets The Hope Conspiracy. If you like any kind of metal, or hardcore or punk, get this album. Stand out tracks: "Faith or Forgiveness", "Blue and Gold" 5. Trenches- The Tide Will Swallow us Whole Trenches is ex-Haste the Day (who also has a good 2008 release) singer Jimmy Ryan's newest project. I didn't know what to think of this album when I first heard it other then "This guy sounds like Zao." This album is droning, crushing, overpowering. It is monolithic in it's approach. Each track is laced with thick and low crunching guitars juxtaposed with airy and hollow lead parts (hollow in a good way!) creating a messy dream of music that is almost trance like. This album is just plain amazing. This album lives up to it's name, it actually feels like an unstoppable ocean tide pulling you deeper and deeper out to sea, until you are immersed in it. Transitions from track to track are seemless, aiding the tidal wave effect of this album. This is for fans of Zao, Intronaut, Jesu, and Pelican. It's rhythmic, it's HUGE. Stand out Tracks: none, they are all amazing. 4. Architects- Ruin Okay, so technically this album was originally released in 2007, BUT it was re-released with more songs in 2008, and since I missed it in 07, and since it's that good, I'm putting it in my top ten. Personally I feel tech-metal is hit or miss, but Architect manages to introduce mind-boggling metal shredding, into a realm that most hardcore-toughguys feel comfortable in. If you ever wondered what Dillinger would be like if they played more composed music...this is it. There is no showman shredding, there is no chaos for the sake of chaos, It is hectic, and anxious music, but it is all for a reason, and it is never overly done to the point of annoyance. The only thing that comes close to reminding me of this band is Oh, Sleeper, but then again Architects does the style so much better. It has it's crushing moments, it's unbelievable guitar playing, but it is just as relentless as an August Burns Red album. Stand out tracks: "Buried at Sea", "North Lane" 3. City and Colour- Bring me your Love This is yet another album I didn't care for the first time I heard it. I was so used to Dallas Green's first EP and album which in my eyes was more or less a Canadian Dashboard Confessional. Looking back, it makes me realize that Green's earlier work as City and Colour was exactly what you would expect a guy like him to do with an acoustic side project. Bring me your Love breaks out of that mold, it's a lot more...dare I say folky? The production sounds a lot more natural, and the guitar sounds like a classical, not the smooth buttery sounds of his older work. This album is some what dark, dealing lyrically with self-death (in fact the cover is a painting of Green sleeping, or perhaps even dead) The music is more composed from a melody standpoint, and in general has a lot more feeling then his older work. Listening to it, it is hard to believe he is one of the master minds behind one of the best screamo-bands currently on the scene (Alexisonfire). These songs have the power to make you feel in love. They are so powerful emotionally, and amazingly all very simple songs. It is a masterpiece start to finish. Stand out tracks: "Sensible Heart", "Confessions" 2. Joshua Radin- Simple Times There are some amazing songs on Joshua Radin's previous album, but this album is so much more complete. I can't think of any other artist that can do so much with so little natural talent. Radin doesn't have a huge vocal range, the guitar work isn't groundbreaking. His songs are simple, but have such a genuine feeling. Like Anthony Keidis, or Billy Corgan, Joshua Radin doesn't have a very traditional voice, but when he is singing, you know it is him. This album is soothing, it's smooth, and natural sounding. If this album was a smell it would be natural wood, if it were a sight it would be tall grass blowing in a breeze, if it were a taste it would be...warm apple pie. Stand out tracks: "One of those Days", "Friend like you" 1. Meshuggah- Obzen Meshuggah is known for their conformed chaos, their odd yet smart time signatures, their inexplicable grooves, and rhythmic riffs. Obzen doesn't dissappoint, yet for the first time Meshuggah packages it together in a way more structured then any before. I wouldn't dare call it "traditional song structure," afterall there isn't a track under 4 minutes long, with some pushing upwards of 5 or 6 even one reaching the 9:36 mark, however this is the most understandable messhugah album to date. That is only part of what makes it great. This album is intelligent. Meshuggah may play 8 string guitars, but unlike most "heavy" bands these days they don't ride the bottom string until they're blue in the face. Instead they use it in creative ways, such as just when you think the band has bottomed out on a note, they take it down another level lower when you least expect it, creating crushing waves of riffage, which is a perfect landscape for their vocalist to deliver his usual machine like barks. I used to listen to listen to this album my last semester of college while sitting in the library on campus doing logic homework. This album has such a flow you lose yourself in it, and in it's songs. Meshuggah didn't reinvent themselves, they just finally perfected what they were always working towards. Stand out tracks: "Bleed", "Obzen" Albums that didn't make the cut: Misery Signals- Controller: Maybe if Mirrors was never released this would be a consideration, but that was a tough act to follow and I think they came up a tad bit short, it's not a bad album, it's just not what I had hoped for. Unearth- The March: Many people weren't thrilled with their previous release, and have praised this one. It's not bad, but it doesn't give me any reason to listen to it, it's just another metal album. Protest the Hero- Fortress: The first time I heard PTH I was blown away, but they are a niche style of music, one I can only tolerate so much of. Once again this album isn't bad it just doesn't offer anything that their previous work hasn't already covered. (Comment on this)
Friday, December 19th, 2008
11:19 pm	Wait for it I envision myself dying a glorious death. Not like a warrior, I feel that is too played out. There have been so many stories of heroes dying on the battle field. No, instead perhaps a car crash. My death isn't sudden, instead I am thrown from the vehicle, and I cannot move. It is winter and I bleed out into the snow, making the redest red you've ever seen. As my body loses blood, the cold takes over, and the winter chill is what kills me. This of course is many years from now, after I've done something great, like write a book. It will be a true story, the book. It will gain mild popularity after it's publication, but it's full potential won't be grasped by the public until after my death. They'll use the book as a teaching tool in third year high school English classes. That's the best year of high school by the way. The kids are old enough to really start to develop some meaningful thoughts, yet not too old to be corrupted by most of the bullshit that manifests itself in early adulthood. Seniors are too focused on being seniors, and being at the top of the ladder. Seniors are too busy remeniscing about what they thought was the best time of their life, unknowing that there is a potential for seemingly enending fun and greatness. But anyway, back to my death. It will be a single car accident. No drunk driver crossing the double yellow. No, it will be a moose. I'll have swerved to avoid him, and lost control of my vehicle. To this day I've never seen a live moose in person, and I think they day I die will be the first time I see one. That sounds about right. Do you ever sit outside when it snows, away from the roads, and the malls, and all the noise we create? Did you ever notice in the silence of winter, there is no silence at all. In fact the sound is so loud it is defeaning, yet calming at the same time. That is what I want surrounding me when this heart can no longer beat. A stranger will see my car on it's roof, and find me laying on the ground. They'll call for help, and then lift me into his or her arms. They have no one traveling with them. It will be me, and them alone. They won't recognize my face, despite the fact there is a picture of me on the inside cover of my book. I haven't the slightest clue what my last words will be. I hope they are something profound, and meaningful. I'll have no message for anyone, friends nor family for this stranger to convey. I hope to lead a life where I express myself in full, thus those I love and cherish will already know it, without a doubt. But if there is one thing I wish for, it's that when I die, I love someone. Because if I am in love that means I'll die under the belief that someone in this world is without flaw. You have to have faith in one person, before you can have faith in all of humanity. I have faith in not a soul, so how am I supposed to save the world? You can't save a world you don't believe in. You can't be missed after your death, if you've done nothing profound, and you can't do anything profound, if you aren't driven to do it, and you won't be driven to do it, if you don't believe in it. There it is. Bundled but cold, nothing but white and red. Laying flat on the ground, one against and with the Earth. Not a sound to be heard, but the snow falling from the sky. The loudest sound of all. Current Music: NIN- The Day the Whole World Went Away (Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 17th, 2008
10:03 pm	Gold Rush A man approaches a building in a decade old something or other SUV. There isn't much to like about this car. You can tell a lot about a person by what they drive and how they keep it. The condition it's in it doesn't look like he planned to keep it. I guess he messed that up. He pulls his car right up to the closest spot to the entrance. You know, the spot the government gives to those who have it bad, like a national pat on the back saying "Well at least you get to have the best parking spot." Probably a good idea, seeing as how it has been more then once in my life that I heard someone brag about a spot they scored. So here comes this guy hobbling up to the building, a crutch under one arm. I take back what I said about this guy's car, because it doesn't look like he planned to keep this body either. After the man tends to whatever business he came for, he hobbles back out the door to his faded red chariot. He opens the back door, and pauses. He is some what hunched over but I cannot see what he is doing. It's at that moment I see a big puff of gray smoke dissipate above him. He chucks the crutch into the open door, slams it shut, walks limp-free to the front door, hops in, and speeds off. Welcome to America. Current Music: Norma Jean (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, December 12th, 2008
11:24 pm	I'm tired I am fine, and if I needed your help I would ask for it. (Comment on this)
Sunday, November 30th, 2008
9:38 pm	I don't believe any of it "Well time to go home." Said the grounds keeper as he walked passed my desk. I pulled my sleeve up an inch to see my watch. "It's only 3:30..." I say. Not so much in dismay or disapproval that he is leaving, but more in jealousy that he gets to go, and perhaps with a bit of apathy as well. I have far more hours left to my day. The old man smiles at me and says "Well I get here at 7" he says "I do my eight hours." I nod in approval, fully expecting him to continue on with his day, and leave me behind. Instead he just stand there looking at me. "Well I get here at 6:30, but I don't punch in until 7." It's pretty clear this guy doesn't get much attention, and honestly I've got nothing better going on so I don't mind giving it to him. "What the hell do you do for a half hour?" I ask him. "Oh I do a lot of things, sweep the floor, take out the garbage, clean that restrooms." At this point I must admit I am a bit confused. "Well if you start working at 6:30 why do you wait until 7 to punch in?" The man smiles again and says "Boss gets mad when he has to pay me overtime." "So why don't you just come in at 7?" "Because without that extra half hour in the morning I can never get everything done I need to get done. Once everyone else shows up I'm running around all day." "That is a lot of money every month that you're not getting paid...that's 10 hours of unpaid hours a month. That is foolish!" "You call it foolish, I call it dedication." The man walks off and his pride is more than apparent, it sits in the air so strongly I for a split second actually feel like he's right. He doesn't say it, and I don't ask him, but I know that he finds a certain kind of peace at the end of each day; a sense of accomplishment. I then wonder if I should be jealous of that feeling. It is one I never feel. It takes more then cleaning a toilet, or emptying a garbage can for me to feel accomplished...even if that were all that was expected of me. What keeps me hard at work each day is not the desire to appease someone else, or work hard because that is what I am supposed to do, but rather I work  hard to advance myself up and out of the hole I continually feel like I am in. And I know there are those that walk this earth with a sense that we need to do something with ourselves to make people happy, and make the world better. Perhaps those of us that think that way are fools chasing an unimportant dream, and those who have it right are the ones that live each day for their own simple fulfillment. Current Music: Imogen Heap (Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 5th, 2008
2:02 pm	The incompetence of my peers With two days left before the voting began, I vigorously questioned people as to whom I should vote for and why. It will probably come as no surprise that those who encouraged me to vote for Obama proclaimed reasons such as "hope" and "change." While most of the McCain supporters issued ridiculous claims such as "Obama will get assassinated anyway" and "I don't want to pay for some crack head to have kids." In my eyes the Obama voters were clearly brainwashed by a wonderfully propagated campaign, and the McCain voters were simply tied to their own biggotry and close-mindedness. One thing I must say I found interesting is how many of my peers (read: college kids) were in a convicted state of support for Obama. I contribute this mostly to his large spending on web-campaigning. Of course on the news this morning were all kinds of analysts discussing how Obama's campain worked, and why it was succesful, but they all shyed away from one thing in particular...the similiarities in Obama's speaking to that of Adolf Hitler. OH MY GOD NO HE DIDN'T! I am in no way shape or form, saying Obama's ideals are similiar to that of Hitler, but his tactis certainly are. People may often wonder how a whole country could have been pursuaded to turn their backs to millions of people being tortured and killed. Great propaganda has two basic functions: Simplicity Repetitiveness "YES WE CAN" "PROGRESS" "CHANGE WE CAN BELIEVE IN" Sound familiar? Of course it does, because those three statements have been shoved down our throats over and over again for the past three years. Ever seen an Obama rally? He speaks with a loud, booming voice. Breaking up his sentences bit by bit, one big monument of an announcement after the next. From Obama's speach at the democratic convention four years ago: I won't deny the fact that it is so easy to feel empowered listening to him speak. For me what it breaks down to is Obama himself isn't what bothers me, it is the people that so blindly follow him. Here in America we have the freedom to choose who we vote for, but no one can force us to make a rational decision. How many people voted out of emotion this time around? How many people who don't even understand the fundamental principals of the branches of our goverment voted for Obama because he is a man of "color?" How many people have been caught up in the bandwagon thinking that we are in a recession? Recently I began working as a sales person at a car dealership. Everyone I run in to, cringes when I tell them of my employment. "Oh man the market is terrible right now. It's so hard to get a decent rate on a loan, it's so hard to get approved." I am making more money right now then I ever have. I have yet to have one customer not get approved for a loan, and we have programs with 0% APR. How many of the college kids that believe in Obama because they want "change" and think our economy sucks, go out every weekend and spend frivulous amounts of money on alcohol at the bar? How many have cell phones, ipods, multiple televisions, computers, multiple purses, over 10 pairs of jeans, jewelry, shoes. Yeah the economy sure does suck, but these people who want "change" some how still manage to spend most of their time fucking off. I'm sure every damn college kid in America has taken some kind of humanities course at some point. Gosh wouldn't it be great if we could help the poor? We need Obama to help American families! How many hours of community service have YOU done in the last four years? How much money have you donated to charity in the last four years?  And finally, the reason I am writing this. More then one person I have encountered today has ignorantly spewed "remember, remember the 5th of November." Which is a quote made popular by the 2005 Hollywood flick V for Vendetta. My peers use this quote for undoubtely making note of today being a historical moment in History. Ironically enough the amount of faith put into Obama by his supporters is frighteneling overwhelming. They expect this man to do so much. He is openly pro-socialism, once again just like...Nazi Germany. The very idea behind the story of V For Vendetta is an anarchists rise against goverment, and the totalitarian power of one man. So not only is the movie anti-establishment, but the main character "V" disguises himself with a Guy Fawkes mask. In case you don't know who Guy Fawkes is, he was part of a plan in the 1600s to kill the King of England, and the plot was to be executed on the 5th of November, 1605. And now hundreds of years later people are using Guy Fawkes memory in celebration of the election of a leader of the most powerful government in the world, who was elected simply on a carnival of propaganda. Wow you college kids are fucking dumb as shit. The biggest moment of irony is that the original poem from which "remember, remember..." came from was in Celebration that Guy Fawkes was caught, and his plan to kill the King was foiled, thus not obstructing the totalitarian and oppressionistic rule of King James I of England. So basically it boils down to: Kids using this quote only know about it because they saw a movie about anarchy and missed the point. They are blindly celebrating a tribute to an oppressive leader. Awesome. I'm done, because I know most of the people that read this won't understand it, and will react in anger or silence. Current Music: Deathstar (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, November 3rd, 2008
6:24 pm	My final fucking word Picture this: You are sitting at breakfast in a restaurant by yourself. You didn't have to work until late in the morning so you thought you would treat yourself to some flapjacks and coffee at the local diner. At a table behind you a couple sits and talks about the upcoming election. They are talking about John McCain and how they can't wait until he is president. God how stupid could they be? You think to yourself. You start to lose your appetite as they begin to talk about how terrible Obama's economic reform plan is. What a bunch of fucking morons. Your cheeks are hot, and there is no way you could swallow one more bite of food. You are absolutely disgusted by the ignorance of some people. You ask for your check, leave a ten and some change on the table, and take off. ________________________ It seems everyone these days can recall a time when they were absolutely disgusted by someone's political views, to the point it made your "blood boil." If  you can, I want you to raise your right hand, and then slap yourself straight across the face, hopefully resulting in you waking the fuck up. The truth of the matter is that if your opinion was worth anything at all, you would have more intelligence and and tact then to take a position of prejudice and ignorance; simply put you wouldn't put down someone's beliefs, nor would you slander a candidate in a childish manner. I cannot tell you how many times I've heard people use McCains age as a reason NOT to vote for him. There is no doubt in my mind that there is some jest in place, but if that is really the best thing you can come up with to verbally project at another member of humanity, you might as well kill yourself, because you aren't operating at maximum capacity. I wish I lived in a world where age discrimination is just as frowned up as racism is (just like the way we teach our children it should be). Surely there are those in this country who won't vote for Obama simply because the color of his skin, but I doubt there are any people who would gasp in disgust if I went on national TV and said "I'm not voiting for McCain because I am old." Despite my attempts to lead an individualized life style I still find myself participating in things that you would imagine most 23 year olds would. Yes, I am a member of the online community known as facebook. When I log on Facebook is happy to update with me with all of my friends "status". Users can use realtime updates to inform their friends as to what they are doing. One friend named Tyler this evening proccliamed that he would be moving to Australia if McCain wins the election. Personally I don't think Australia would want such a coward living in their country. I had to laugh at the irony in that, because the very candidate that he supported has a tag line that says "I'm asking you to believe. Not just in my ability to bring about real change in Washington...I'm asking you to believe in yours." Well apparently despite the fact that Tyler so desperately wants Obama to win, he somehow missed Barack's most fundamental message. Because anyone who procclaims they would flee the country obviously doesn't think much of themselves, or their power to personally make anything happen. Pat yourself on the back Tyler. Good job. Shortly after the vice-presidential debate I remember one acquaintance making the remark that if she saw Sarah Palin wink one more time she was going to vomit all over herself. I felt nothing but sympathy for her, because never in my life could I recall being so physically affected by someone whom I'd never met, and I wondered what it was like to be so easliy influenced by other people. This acquaintance has her masters degree and has traveled to places such as Japan and England. I'm glad all she could take away from the debate was a self-admiring punch at someone she has never met. Now before all you Obama nut-huggers have a fit and punch a whole in your monitor after reading everything I just wrote, know this: I don't support McCain. For the most part this election season I've avoided all politics like the plague. Before I felt it was so important to be informed, and read and listen to every piece of information I could get my hands on. It's all useless. I'll tell you why: The vast, VAST majority of people are going to seak out the media that supports there already formed opinions (opinions most likely influenced by popular culture, or family tradition) and merely bad mouth and slander the information that supports the candidate they oppose. This evening I was stuck at work, so I decided to take some time to examine each candidates website. It was nothing short of what I expected. Propaganda. Outrageous claims of how they are going to fix everything, but not one single detailed method of what they would do to make that fixing happen. One thing I did notice was McCain had a lot more slandering of Obama, then Obama did of McCain, which only reaffirmed a belief I've had for a long time: I think Obama is a more genuine person...I just don't agree with his politics. So who do I vote for? The person I think is the better man? Or the person I think has a better plan? And to be honest I have enough faith in myself to not lose sleep over it, to not get upset about it, to not let my blood boil over it. Because I believe the only person that can truly change my life is me. And for all of you that have slandered Obama for being not-white, or McCain for being old, or Obama for his political ideals, or McCain for his...you should be afuckingshamed of yourself. Show people that your choice is the smart one, by being an intelligent person and speaking in an intelligent manner. And for all of those people who think it funny to say such ridiculous things about another human being, another human life...I will feel nothing but pity for you, because I know how grotesquely upset you will be, and it will amuse me to how truly ignorant you are. You want to know who I am going to vote for? I'm going to write myself in. Current Music: None (2 Comments |Comment on this)