Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in a4play's LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, January 26th, 2010
11:59 pm	Don't let it fool you I don't do well with waiting for things. I am not a very patient person. I feel like I've spent a lot of time waiting for things that I knew deep down would never come. I have more smarts than hope, but goddamn, this is getting ridiculous. It seems no matter how smart I am there are just some things I can't figure out. There are patterns, in people I mean, that are very obvious, but despite the fact that I know how people are going to act or react in a certain situation I still can't seem to figure out what things I need to do to alter those actions or reactions. Why can't I figure out the one thing I want the most? The one thing I have the most experience with, and have worked the hardest at. I wonder why some people can never say what they mean. Surely sometimes it is out of stupidity, other times, I think it's probably selfishness. Some people are probably too afraid that if they tell you what they really want, you will abandon them, so they tell you just enough to keep you on the line. Most of the time I cannot be bothered by people's pettiness. Most of the time I don't take things personally, I don't care what someone said, or what they think. There aren't many people's opinions I value. It makes me feel alone, mostly. So many times I've told myself I would live without certain things. Things that are socially the norm. I do well with it most of the time, but every once in a while things work their way into my life, and that average side of me starts thinking about living an average life. I don't know what it is about me that makes me detest the thought of being like other people. I'm human, and sometimes I hate it. I hate human nature. I firmly believe we are all better than what is "only natural." It's such a cop out. We should be smarter. We should be stronger. We should have figured that out by now. (Comment on this)
Monday, January 25th, 2010
11:39 pm	This is a repost There are a lot of things I do not understand. I did a quick search and couldn't find any figures on how much automakers spend annually on R&D for safety features. I bet it's a lot. Billions probably. How much money does the government spend improving drivers education? I don't think it would be that expensive of a venture to re-write the curriculum. Instead they would rather just keep increased the minimum age to hold a license. Are people's mind's developing more slowly? How come people 30 years ago were fit to drive at 16, and now it's 18? In my opinion the driver is the most important safety feature in a vehicle. How many errors are caused to vehicle malfunction in comparison to driver error? We hold human life in such high regard, yet we refuse to take responsibility for it. As I sat at an intersection today, I watched 34 cars turn left off of an exit. Two used their turn signals. Two. 94% of drivers witnessed failed to move their left hand no more than 4 inches to signal their turning. Safe driving is all about communicating with other drivers what you are doing, so there are no surprises. It's all about being predictable. Yet we fail to perform the most basic actions, and then spend tedious hours researching safety ratings on cars, holding the manufacturers responsible because we can't pay attention at the wheel. And then we mourn when a natural disaster occurs and kills thousands. A natural disaster. How many people died needlessly in a very unnatural car crash? We spend so much time focusing on an even like the Haiti earthquake...anything to divert the attention from our own short comings. We will gladly discuss the Haiti earthquake, talk about how sad it is, donate some money. How much money have you ever donated to drivers education? How much money have you ever donated to any kind of education? Did you know there was an oil spill off the coast of Texas two days ago? More than 450,000 gallons of crude oil spilled into the ocean. I searched through 150 articles on  CNN.com and didn't find a single one about the oil spill. Yet every other article was about Haiti, with useless shit splattered in between about dead movie stars and box office ratings. I guess it's not important to raise awareness about protecting our planet, and fixing OUR fuck-up, but when a natural part of the world takes a human life we are up in arms about it. How many people would have died in Haiti if there weren't man made buildings there? To be crushed by the house that you built might be sad, but it's definitely ironic. Yet when we dump a bunch of shit in to the ocean (shit used to power the shit we built for ourselves to go to work to afford other shit we invented) it doesn't even make the front page. How many fish, and birds, and plant life, and....whales  (yeah you know, mammals?) are going to die because of the oil spill? I'm not a hippie, a tree-hugger, or even an environmentalist. I don't smoke weed, I love eating meat, and I want to bitch slap anyone who drives a hybrid. So why am I even talking about this? Because I'm not so stupid that I can't see the hypocrisy in all of  it. Forgive me for recognizing that the most beautiful things on this planet  aren't the things we've built, but the things that were already here when we got here. The mountains, the trees, the animals. Did you ever sell a car you really liked? Did you cry? Have you ever had a pet dog or cat? Did you cry when it died? I don't think people are less important than animals and nature, but I don't think they are more important either. The problem is we are too smart for our own good. We keep defeating all of natures natural defenses against over population. And the truth of the matter is,  life is just a game of numbers. It's all percentages. The more people there are, the more people are going to die (tragically). If you want less people to die, stop letting there be so many people. Current Music: Deas Veil (Comment on this)
Saturday, January 23rd, 2010
1:32 am	Thoughts after midnight I had to wait about twenty minutes to write this entry. Livejournal was down for maintenance. I was upset for about 5 seconds, and then I thought about the day and time, and decided that this is probably about the best possible time for them to do maintenance. Friday night...theoretically everyone should be out doing something fun. Although most of the people that keep an online journal are probably some one introverted, emo, and weird. Ya know the types that just hang out by themselves and sulk. I contemplated posting this entry as a "note" in facebook. I felt the urge to write publicly. I have this journal set to automatically import into my facebook account, but in some strange way I felt like if I was to forgo writing in here, I would be some how giving in to facebook (because I am about to trash talk it!) Facebook has become nothing more than an over glorified AOL IM away message. I remember when AIM was all the rage, it was common for people to continually change their away message to constantly inform you of what they were doing. Also just as common was away messages that people used to say something they didn't have the spine to actually say something. Of course they would always make it ambiguous enough that people would inquire about it, and if the person who it was directed towards actually got offended, the culprit could play it off as if it were just a generic message. The biggest difference, is now with facebook, attention whores get even more attention because everyone gets to see those idiotic inquiries. Where before with AIM someone would have to be satisfied for messages left for them to privately respond to, facebook allows everyone to see how much people care about you with the "Are you okay hun? "OMG what's wrong? Call me if you need anything!" Let's be honest, if you were close enough to the person for them to count on you for shit, you wouldn't be informed of their vague personal problems via the internet, (okay, maybe e-mail...but c'mon a social network?) Facebook privacy settings are also a great source of entertainment. Now you can choose who you want to whore yourself out too. I really don't understand the premise of putting all of your personal information (family member identifier, wtf?) on a website and then HIDING it from the world. Is it really that important for people to brag to their friends about their lame shit? Keeping up with the Jones' has officially hit cyberspace, and it makes me rage. I will probably slap the next person I see who has a photo of their baby as their default pic too. Yeah I get it, your kid is cute. It's a baby. 99% of them are cute, but do you really want to plaster pictures of your kid all over the internet? So what if you have your privacy settings to "friends only" people can still easily gain access to your pictures if they really want to. I see it happen daily. No seriously, daily. To be honest, I'm glad my parents didn't have the internet when I was a baby. I would be pissed as hell to know my picture had been blasted on a venue that has literally millions of daily visitors. Really cool. It's a baby, it has no say in the matter, so yeah why don't you just throw away it's privacy. They probably won't want it anyway, especially because you are going to feed it cake for breakfast, and read "cosmo" articles as bed time stories. By this point some of you may be thinking "wait a minute, I've seen your facebook...you do some of the stuff you are complaining about." And how right you are...because if I didn't attract attention to myself, why the hell would you be reading this? You wouldn't. And I want you to read it, because I want to change your mind, why? Well that's simple, because I feel my view points are valid, and should be utilized on a greater scale to increase the overall worth of humanity. There it is. I said. I like being mildly offensive. Speaking of being offensive, I also take great offense to people that post religious chain mail type posts as their facebook status (and let's face it, posting any chain type text *cough* pink *cough* is offensive. This isn't 1998. We've all seen the video of the baby laughing) should smack themselves for being so rude. I wouldn't make a post about how I believe in a god, and how religion is a cult, and people who still believe in it are living a close-minded and narrow-visioned life. No, I just go about my business and believe what I want to believe. If what you believe is true, it doesn't matter what anyone else believes. REGARDLESS OF WHAT YOU BELIEVE IT DOESN'T CHANGE WHAT ACTUALLY IS. Posting that shit is like putting a John Kerry sign on your front lawn. It's not going to change anyone's mind, and it just makes you look like an asshole. I know I'm probably more anti-religion than most, but the last time I saw some Jesus related post I didn't go, "Ya know what...they are right! Jesus DID die for my sins (wtf does that even mean anyway?) THANK YOU FACEBOOK!" I overheard some people at lunch today talking about how they wanted to go see Avatar because it looks amazing, but they heard it goes against Christian beliefs. I almost fell out of my chair laughing. I can't imagine living a life where you repress yourself like that. I'm not a Nazi, but that wouldn't stop me from reading Mein Kampf. It's called being an open minded and educated individual. Maybe these people feel like they wouldn't be able to control themselves and become sinners after seeing giant digitized blue Native Americans in 3D. I know...it's disgusting what they will show kids these days. I'm definitely on a roll tonight, but I have to cut myself off and get some sleep to prepare for my day tomorrow. I'm not looking forward to tomorrow, because no matter what I decide to do someone is going to be upset with me (and I would rather not upset either of these people) and no matter what I do, I'm not going to end up being happy. So my weekend is basically a wash. And for being as intelligent as I am (which is more intelligent than I am handsome, but handsome nonetheless) I still haven't figured out how to defeat a situation like the one fast approaching. Current Music: Ratatat (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, January 18th, 2010
9:14 pm	You might need a murderer In the age of the internet nothing is worth anything without proper documentation. Before every feasible piece of information was available on the web, people trusted web pages like they did the text in a book. Although there are a few fools here and there these days, it's not quite the same. Internet message boards are littered with outrageous claims, followed by rebuttals like "source?" or "link?" And if you search you can often find credible information out there in the vast layers of the web. With such a demand on credibility of information, it almost seems like it is pointless to take the time to contemplate on certain subjects. With the exception of the far out regions of abstract thought, almost everything can be studied, categorized, and quantified. I think life was probably more fun when we didn't know so much about how it worked. A few days ago I had all these magnificent thoughts about the connections between the body and the mind. And then I thought about science, and I became swayed and thought that there was probably some study out there that disproved whatever it was I was feeling. (Comment on this)
Sunday, December 27th, 2009
9:45 pm	Sleepy head When I walked out of my house today it felt like the end of an era. I feel like this week marks the beginning of a lot of new challenges and horizons. I've been feeling weird lately. I feel more intellectually powerful than I've ever felt before, yet I seem to have lost my adolescent optimism, that feeling like life is this epic adventure is gone. Not that I don't feel like I have anything to look forward too, on the contrary I think there are a lot of things about to take place, I just don't have that "anything is possible" mentality right now. Everything seems so concrete. It could be because I have so much work immediately ahead of me. It's strange when you create something out of nothing. I can't imagine what starting a business was like 50 years ago. It must have been so much different. Now there are so many new factors you have to be concerned with. It feels like technology speeds us up and slows us down. Ironically these same technologies probably are a big part of the reason why services like the one this businesses provides, are necessary. Early day tomorrow. Current Music: Metric (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, December 26th, 2009
11:01 pm	2009 in review: music I'm sure I'll get some great hate in this thread considering how much I piss off everyone in this forum. I must say picking a top ten this year was difficult. There was a lot of good music released this year, I mean a lot of good music, but in my opinion, nothing great. I didn’t hear any albums this year that blew me away, that I couldn’t stop thinking about, that I had to be listening to at all times of the day. There were certainly some songs that fit the aforementioned characteristics, but nothing that floored me as an album start to finish. But, there was some really good music released, so let’s get to it. 10. Cage- Depart From Me… I was late to the Cage party. A quick google search reveals that he’s been around for a while now, and if you seek out any reviews of Depart From Me…you’ll find that a lot of his previous fans just aren’t feeling it. I think a big part of music is where you’re at in your life when you hear it. And as with any artist that doesn’t conform to one style or sound, the first time you hear them is the most impressionable. Hence why people are always claiming a band’s first album is their best. You hear those tired and cliché sayings like “They had their whole life to write their first album, and only a year to write their second.” When that really has nothing to do with it. No plays the same songs their entire life until they get a record deal. The truth is when you hear a band with a distinct sound for the first time it leaves its mark on you. The next time you hear it, it’s not as innovative, it doesn’t blow you away like it did the first time around. Depart From Me…was my first experience with Cage. He stands out. I didn’t know his older music so I had no anticipations about this album. So why did it make the top 10? On Depart From Me…Cage perfectly blends underground hip-hop seamlessly with dirty crunch guitar and post agro-tech rock. Sometimes I swear he’s sampling a Marylin Manson track, but the guitar sounds you hear on this album are real, and original. So much so that Cage actually has a guitar player, and gigs with him. How many rappers do that? There are definitely some wacky songs on Depart From Me…that seem to be remnants of Cage’s drugged mind, but what I appreciate the songs that are more in the “in your face tech-punk” vein is that they are raw. Cage doesn’t seem to want to make any apologies for the music he makes, as a result that leaves me with some songs I have no affinity for but can still appreciate it, and in a way those tracks make the songs I really dig all the sweeter. In truth what I like most about this album is the way the depression translates from the beats, to Cage’s lyrics, to the listener. The moodier songs, are moody as hell, and in a world of rappers that talk about nothing but big chrome rims, reppin’ their hood, and how many girls they banged last night (despite that their wiki pages says their married with kids) it’s nice to hear a hip-hop artist rapping about how much his life sucks, and is most likely very close to how his life really plays out. Stand out Tracks: Depart From Me… I Never Knew You 9. The Sleeping- What It Takes I was expecting this band to suck. A friend who is notorious for listening to the most boring, bland, and overplayed pop-punk recommended this album to me. I never knock anything before I give it a listen, and I admittedly fell in love with it. I wouldn’t say The Sleeping are heavy but this album definitely has a heavy element to it. The musicianship in this band seems like they are playing a type of music that is below them. The songs are aggressive, use a wide variety of tempos, and the vocals are natural and raw. The Sleeping doesn’t seem to want to reinvent the wheel, they just seem want to play some good rock, influenced by punk and alternative. The Sleeping is a collection of guys from bands you may have heard of, but sometimes it’s not just about how good the musicians are in your band, but how well they work together. The line-up seems to work, because unlike their previous groupings, the guys in the Sleeping actually make music I want to listen to. I’ll probably take heat for saying this, but they kind of remind me of the next generation Foo-Fighters. 8. Jonny Craig- A Dream is A Question You Don’t Know How to Answer You may recognize “Jonny’s” voice from the post-hardcore screamo band Dance Gavin Dance. He was their vocalist on their first full-length release, he is also currently the vocalist for Emerosa. I had picked up Dance Gavin Dance’s album when it came out, and found it to be very hit-or-miss. To be honest Jonny’s voice much better suits this type of music found on A Dream…(album name way to long!). What kind of music is it? Jonny seems to have created some strange combo between acoustic café rock, and something you might find your 14 year old sister listening to. These days kids who can sing end up on American Idol. The rest of them start punk or emo bands. How Jonny Craig ended up playing this type of music, I’m not sure, but the kid can freakin sing. I’m not sure if Jonny plays any of the instruments on his “solo” album, but the music is on part with the singing, mixing piano, guitar (clean and distorted) along with some nice production touches like claps, synth, and other natural and non-natural sounds. My only real complaint about the album is how short it is. Lyrically Jonny again surprises listeners by deciding that we’ve all heard enough of the whiney emo stuff, and doesn’t really rely on “her” at all, with only one song blatantly being about a woman, and him telling her “I already have a queen, why would I settle for a ****ing maid?” Jonny’s lyrics could be interpreted in a lot of ways. That is a big appeal for me, because people can take the songs and find meaning in them for different things, and ultimately more people will enjoy the music, and all the while the lyrics still maintain a level of creativity and thoughtfulness. When Jonny is singing you can tell he means what he says. 7. The Prodigy- Invaders Must Die Growing up my brother was always a huge Prodigy fan. I was fairly impartial about their music, but when I heard they were releasing a new album after a long absence I was interested. This album surprised me, and is honestly one of the few non-metal albums I can listen to in the gym. Invaders Must Die has an energy to it that one could only expect from Prodigy. There isn’t much to say about this album. It is unmistakenly Prodigy, yet is far and away from their previous work. The title track doesn’t even have vocals aside from the sampled and robotic “Invaders Must Die” chant every 30 seconds or so. Despite being lyrically sparse the songs never wear on you, or seem to go on for too long as is often the case in Electronica and other heavily produced genres. The entire album has a sense of violence to it throughout, all the way up until the very the departing song. The final track “Stand Up” sounds more like something that might come out Moby or FatBoySlim. The Prodigy utilize a lot of scary sounds on this album. Omen, Take Me to the Hospital, and Piranha all use very harsh sounding synth and samples. The beats heavy, and relentless, the vocals sparseness only adds to the scariness of the album. A solid return for The Prodigy. Stand out Tracks: “Invaders Must Die” “Omen” 6. St. Vincent- Actor I found out about St. Vincent after a couple of friends (girls) dragged me to see Twilight New Moon. During the movie my ears perked up to what sounded like Bon Iver. When I got home I checked the web, and indeed it was Bon Iver, featuring St. Vincent. I only had to listen to a few seconds of a sample on itunes to know it was something I was going to like. This album is extremely quirky, and a lot of fun. It’s female indie at its finest. If you could turn paintings into music, it would be St. Vincent. Her music makes me imagine a montage of a young couple visiting an art museum. This album is put together with eclectic harmonies, and well (not overly) produced instruments. Just the right blend of electric sounds with natural parodies. 5. Dredg- The Pariah, The Parrot, The Delusion Having loved 2005’s Catch Without Arms, Dredg’s latest effort was tough for really get into to. Actually at first I hated it. Sometimes bands are criticized of writing the same album twice. I loved Catch Without Arms so much, I was actually hoping Dredg to simply write a continuation. Much to my initial dismay Dredg had evolved, and explored. But after a few listens I began to appreciate what Dredg was trying to do. They seem to have departed from that bit of edginess they had on their last effort, and abandon the sleepy drunk feelings they were able to produce on prior albums. The Pariah…is a much more raw, and much more literal album. Dredg does an excellent job of playing with clean guitar tones using picking and playing styles to produce color rather than absurd layers of distortions and affects. Lyrically this is my least favorite Dredg album, but not everyone likes to be a whiny emo bitch like I do. Stand Out Tracks: “Pariah” “Information” 4. Swallow the Sun- New Moon Despite the movie “New Moon” being a complete pile of crap, this album delivers. I wonder if Swallow the Sun are kicking themselves for not paying closer attention to box office news, because the fact that there is any association between the two at all is a complete shame. There are only 8 songs on this album. The shortest of which is 5 minutes. This is exactly what you would expect from an Eastern European metal band. Long epic songs, evil sounding guitars, and a bit of keys thrown in for good measure. I’m not a doom metal purist, so most of their “true” fans will probably tell you that their “older stuff” is better. Maybe so, but that doesn’t mean this album doesn’t kick ass. It’s dark, it’s heavy, it’s epic. I love it. 3. Katatonia- Night is the New Day Everything about this album is amazing. The moods this album cross are just mind boggling. The music is incredibly thoughtful and deep. They transition beautifully from heavy chugs reminiscent of metalcore, straight into the most open and aching passages with soothing vocals, and then they go straight into classic doom metal leads. Katatonia is basically a better version of Opeth (never thought I would say that). Meat head metal fans won’t like it, and that’s fine with me. 2. The Red Chord- Fed Through the Teeth Machine The Red Chord is one of those bands that have come a long way from where they began. I remember being in high school and seeing these guys playing local shows. Like most metal bands these days they are afflicted by the revolving door of musicians (most guitar players and drummers in this case). After really settling into their line-up in 2005 it seems like the Red Chord has been working towards writing this album for a long time, each effort a step into the right direction until finally arriving at Fed Through the Teeth Machine. This is no longer a band playing heavy music for the sake of being heavy. This is grindcore, deathcore, whatevercore with some serious thought and musicianship put into it. There is no doubt that the members of The Red Chord are technically proficient players, but on this album we see them perfectly mix a blend of grooves with furious picking attacks and well placed leads. This album is in your face and more importantly seemless. On Fed Through the Teeth Machine the Red Chord moves from brutal blast beats and hectic guitar strumming, to twisted sounding chugs, to demonic and evil harmonies, without you even noticing. They manage to blend so many styles of metal into not just a single album, but sometimes single songs. And for those who say they don’t like metal because “they can’t understand what the guy is saying.” You won’t have that excuse with the Red Chord. Very few bands can blend brutal with intelligible. While most metal heads have a trained ear for brutal vocals, none such skill is required to enjoy the lyrical content of this album, which sets The Red Chord apart from other bands of their genre which tend to over saturate, and produce their vocals. Another thing the Red Chord does which other’s don’t is skip the wussy interlude. That’s right you won’t find any slow and emo track 7 on Fed Through the Teeth Machine. After the short intro of this album it kicks you in the face, and doesn’t stop the beat down until you’re left crying scared for your life. The Red Chord doesn’t depart with the typical on going shred that leaves you imagining a ship sailing off into the sunset, instead it’s more akin to the vision of someone’s face as they are held captive in some creep’s basement, the moment they realize they aren’t going to make it out alive. 1. Baroness- Blue Record I should really just leave this blank. This is, in my opinion the best album of the year. What do I really need to say about it? Why is it my number 1 pick? Because out of everything that came out this year, this is the one album I just cannot stop listening to. This is the one album that plays through my head when I’m not listening to music. This is the album that when it’s coming through my stereo I can’t wait for each song to come on. What is this band? Are they metal? Are they rock? Are they a stoner band? Baroness is what they are. They definitely stand out from the crowd. However I will say, if Katatonia is a better version of Opeth, than Baroness is a better version of Mastadon (keep in mind I love all four bands respectively) The guitar tones are so dry. The vocals are so rough. The solos are so…Thin Lizzy? This album is epic and heavy without even trying. I just love everything about it. If you haven’t heard it, get it. If you have heard it and don’t like it, you can get bent as far as I am concerned. ]The Five Best Breakdowns of 2009 5. The Miles Between- Seawater Vomit 4. Architects- Early Gravee 3. Despised Icon- MVP 2. Evergreen Terrace- God Rocky, is This Your Face? 1. Impending Doom- More Than Conquerors 2009’s biggest disappointments 1. Alexisonfire- Old Crows/Young Cardinals 2. City of Ships- Look What God Did to Us 3. Paolo Nutini- Sunny Side Up 4. The Almost- Monster, Monster 5. Fightstar- Be Human (Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 11th, 2009
7:44 pm	Let it happen One of the benefits of being sick is that you have some extra down time to surf the web (as if I don't do that enough already!) During that down time today I stumbled across this video: It is a one hour documentary about the quickest growing cosmetic surgery in the UK: Labiaplasty. Apparently it is a surgery where a doctor removes part of the labia minora. The reason? Girls feel their vagina is unattractive. If you have the time watch the documentary it is very well done, however it can be a little hard to watch at times, as there is very explicit video of the surgery being performed. The concept that someone would maim their genitals in the name of aesthetics seems utterly appalling, however I think it gives us an opportunity to consider several other issues at hand. Essentially what this surgery is doing is removing "excess" skin. Although "female circumcision" is different from this surgery, I think it is definitively the equivalent, the difference being that (at least in the US) circumcision (Male) is justified by health benefits. Despite those whether or not there truly are health benefits (there is quite a bit of debate about that) consider why a parent would have their child circumcized. Imagine if you are an American woman who has only had sexual intercourse with men who are circumsized. It's all you ever seen. Your husband whom you love and find very attractive is circumsized. Even without any knowledge of potential health benefits, there is a great chance you'll have your son circumsized. Consider now if you are An American (circumsized) man. You remember playing sports in high school, and everyone picking on that one kid in the locker room who wasn't "cut." You remember guys calling him out on it at parties and girls reacting with disgusted faces. So why is such a procedure so widely accepted for men, but the thought of women doing something of this nature, to "enhance their look" found to be so distasteful? I would say the biggest difference is at least the people having a labiaplasty performed are at least making a conscious decision about it, where as the majority of circumsized had no say in the matter. Now what really bothers me about labiaplasty is I find it absolutely disturbing how far people will go for the attention of the opposite sex (or same sex if the person is gay I suppose). Is this not where diseases like anorexia and boulemia stem from? Now being someone who has spent their fair share of time in the gym understands the idea of appealing to sexuality and looking good, but personally I find it quite useless to look good if you have deep rooted security issues. To be quite honest if a woman told me she had a labiaplasty, I would be scared to go near "it." Truthfully it would freak me about a bit. We buy clothes, get hair colored, remove hair, workout, skip out on foods we love to eat, put on make-up, we do all these things to look good to the opposite sex. Where do we draw the line? How many things do we do in our lives that we claim is for ourselves, but really is for someone else? And do the ends justify the means? Personally I workout because I enjoy it. I enjoy the pain of workout out. The sweat, the burn. I love being strong, I love breathing heavily. I won't lie, I also love the way it makes my body looks (although there are certain ways to train soley for aesthetics that I forgo to build functional strength) Tattoos are the same thing. I have tattoos because they meant something to me. I thought the pain of the ink being injected into my skin would be a constant reminder of important things...and that's exactly what they are. Despite my love for the beauty of my tattoos, the real pleasure I get from them was when they were actually being pinned into me. For that 30, 60, 90 minutes of pain so many things go through your mind and body. Unbelievable pain, self-inflicted pain. It hurts, and it hurts so good. I definitely feel a sense of pride when someone says "I like your tattoos." But most of my tattoos are hidden, most people never see them. But I know they are there, and I enjoy them. I also find it interesting how we try so hard to impress people yet reject them at the same time. For example, someone would probably say confidence trumps aesthetics, but if someone was just disgusting, but confident, we'd probably call them cocky because we feel they aren't good enough to be confident. The documentary above makes the claim that because we are more liberated sexually in this day-in-age is why people have a greater obsession with being aesthetically pleasing. I disagree. We should be sexually liberated, but sexual liberation comes with a responsibility, and that responsibility is instilling values in children to understand what is important and what isn't. We exploit ourselves in ways we should never have approached in the first place. Look at the popularity of reality TV. Why is it so popular? Because it appeals to the fantasy that the average joe (or Jane) can be "famous."  Look at the reality star that was just hacked to pieces and stuffed into a suit case by her husband (also appearing on several reality shows.) As that case evolved, and more information came to light, there were so many different sides to the story. Some people say that she was a gold digger, and just married this guy because he was rich. Her friends claim the only reason he married her was to get a US Visa (he was from Canada) One thing was obvious though: Both of these people were extremely shallow and driven by vanity. You have to wonder when it is going to end though. I'd be happy if people spent time being healthy, and intelligent. I don't care how beautiful you are, if you are intellectually ugly, I'll have no interest. But a lot of the time I feel like I'm the odd man out with my opinions. I know personally there are some things I dsilike about my body that can only be changed with surgery. It makes you wonder if I lived before certain surgeries existed, if I would ever even think about it, or just accept it for what it was. I've asked myself if I could afford certain surgeries if I'd have them done. The answer I came up with is: no, I would not, but then again I don't have the money...so who really knows if I'm being honest with myself. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 14th, 2009
9:42 pm	Two Crows Two crows peck along the ground A New Hampshire dirt road I'm sure they cackle and caw My distance hides their sound Morning sun breaks through the trees Lining their backs with silver At least I imagine I would know for sure had I been nearer Two crows walk along my dirt road And they don't even notice me A symbol of death Looking for life Between the sand and rocks And I trapped with thoughts in my mind Go unnoticed by the two crows (Comment on this)
Monday, September 14th, 2009
9:43 pm	Hook, line and sinker I had a feeling today. It was a feeling I wish that I could experience for ever. It hit me out of no where. I am continually surprised how effected by music I can be, but today I do not think that was the only thing contributing to my experience.                My legs were tired from my hike this morning. My face warm from the sun cast down on my skin. The cool late summer air flowing into my car from the open window. Not a single care in the world. Just peaceful. A moment of curiosity. A moment of hope. The challenges I face in the near future, were there in my mind, but for a short moment, were not tormenting my heart. These hurdles I face, serve no purpose to discuss. At least not here. These are personal battles, that I need not support, just strength that must come from within.                 In this moment, how strange it was to have music filling me ears, yet the world felt quiet…No the world felt more than quiet, it felt silent. As if I was watching myself from the outside. The soundtrack to a movie scene. A scene where I drive off into the sun sitting low in the afternoon sky, and everyone wonders where I go. The scene where no one ever sees me again, and you get to make up your own story. You get to decide in your own mind, if I live, or if I die. It’s like faith. You have no fact to back up what you believe. But belief is absolute. When you believe something, then it doesn’t matter what happens, because what you have faith in is as good as the truth. And there is no truth in life, meaning, there is no truth in the breathe we take, the stars that light the sky, the air that we breathe. There is no truth in these things. There is no truth in the ground we are buried in once we die, there is no truth in the wood that caskets our bodies. So there is no truth in what you decide happens to that character that drives off in the music of silence. There is no truth in whether or not that person is me, or you, or someone you know. Whatever you think happens, is better than the truth. Because it’s what you believe. Current Music: Explosions in the Sky- To West Texas (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, August 27th, 2009
11:10 pm	Until my blood boils. This time last year, I was getting ready to spend my last night in Pennsylvania. My last night on an old mattress on a floor of an otherwise nearly empty room. Tomorrow morning, I'm going to wake up, eat breakfast, cook food to bring to work for lunch, not unlike any other day. This time last year, when I was to woke up in the morning, I packed the rest of my things into my car, and drove to New Hampshire. I had to be back in New Hampshire before the 29th. My birthday. I didn't want to make the interstate drive with an unregistered car. I didn't really have a plan, just the faith in myself that it didn't matter, and I needed to make a move to make myself happier. Here I am, 365 days later, and I am not at all happier. Not in the least. The 23rd year of my life has easily been the worst. Physically, mentally, emotionally, financially. In every way possible this past year has been a complete failure. You see in the spring of 2008, I was coming to the end of the semester in school. I was working full time at the gym, and barely breaking even monetarily. Gas prices were at an all time high, and that wasn't conducive to commuting 45 minutes one way to school. Not to mention as a personal trainer you don't make most of your money on a flat fee from the gym, you get by on your private training sessions from private clients. Winter time is easily the busiest season for a trainer...and a college student. Hard to take on clients when you are a full time student with a commute. Summer comes along, your schedule opens up, and the gyms empty out. With credit cards maxed out, school loans exhausted, no substantial financial support from my family, I was forced to take the carrot dangling in front of me: move to PA. The subtext there is: Leave a lot of things you love, and work like a slave. Most people asked why I chose moving to PA instead of continuing with school. I didn't choose. I had no choice. There was no way I could afford another semester of college. Let me tell you about the hell that was Pennsylvania; I basically worked absurd hours, with days off coming once every three weeks or so. Living in a place where I knew no one, working completely by myself. Daily. The schedule was so stressful it drained me physically, and mentally. I didn't write, I didn't exercise. I didn't do shit, with the exception of work, and attempt to sleep. Now at the time things didn't seem totally bleak. I don't necessarily mind being by myself. At times I need very little to be satisfied. On the bright side, I made a decent salary (though nothing on par with the time I put in) and I was looking forward to setting myself up for a future with a girl I felt like I could spend the rest of my life with. And slowly, I started to realize things weren't what they seemed. I was going to throw my life away working for this company (for reasons I don't care to discuss anymore, it's been talked about. It's over). Oh and that girl? Well she has an advanced case of ADD, because it didn't take long for "out of sight, out of mind" to fully engage. So coming back to New Hampshire, I had no plan. I wasn't unemployed very long, but I haven't done anything in the last year that I loved. And I've suffered from it consequently. It has taken a lot of time to get my motivation back on track, back to the person I used to be. Who is that person? In my opinion it was someone who was very creative, expressive, and healthy, not just in body but in mind. I feel like a shell of my former self, and I feel buried by my financial responsibilities. I'm sure there are people out there that have it much worse than me, and I know there are a lot of people out there who are facing hardships, and people who stress about money, but given the type of person that I am, I don't want to spend my life fighting a battle over this type of bullshit. I wish I had the time to be as creative as I can be.  I look back at this past 12 months, and there is not a single thing that I care to remember. Not one moment of satisfaction. I have a lot of resentments for a lot of things, but I know ultimately I'm the only one that can get me out of this whole, and if the past few years have taught me anything, it's that you can't depend on anyone. So this is a big fuck you, to my 23rd year of life, and my vow that my 24th will be the best year yet, even if it kills me. Right now I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, but I know it's has to be there, some where, and I'll keep going till I get to it, or that tunnel caves in on me. Current Music: Snow Patrol (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, August 21st, 2009
11:20 pm	I could barely recognize your face Livejournal has these notes on their home page that are supposed to give you ideas on what to write about. Today is: If you had your own radio or television station, what would it be called and what kind of programming would it play? Who would write about that? Seriously. I don't think anyone gives a damn what my imaginary radio station plays. Anyone that knows me knows what it would be anyway. Metal. As far as television goes, it would be all educational programming, to teach people how to act right, like the mindless yuppie that inspired this entry today... I'm stuck in traffic, because everyone is out living their American dream, which consists spending the vast majority of their lives working a job that has no moral implications, or real consequences, it just fills their pockets while they brush shoulders with the millions of similar drones in their respective cities. In the fleeting moments of freedom they come to clog up my personal space. They come to use my roads, my lakes, my rivers, my mountains. I could delve much deeper into all of that, but this is not the point of the entry. The point is the one yuppie directly in front of me. First of all she was driving a Prius hybrid. In case you don't know how bad for the environment and incredibly stupid hybrid technology is, I suggest you start educating yourself immediately. Driving a hybrid just screams "I can't think for myself, and I'm a pseudo-intellectual douchebag that thinks I'm forward thinking, but really I'm just a sheep, with a diet solely of the bullshit mainstream media has fed me!" I didn't have time to read all the vegetarian bumper stickers on her car, I would just like to note that she also had an Obama 08 sticker (surprise, surprise!) and a 26.2 sticker. For those unaware, 26.2 is the length of a full marathon. People put the stickers on their cars after they have completed them. I think it is quite the obnoxious flaunt, and also quite comical. People hold running in such high regard. If you want to do it, great. If you have fun doing it, awesome. But don't act as if it is some kind of accomplishment that people should envy. you could run 126.2 miles and I wouldn't give a damn. And neither should anyone other than you. I've squatted over 400lbs, I've deadlifted nearly 500, I've won powerllifting competitions. Do you see any stickers about that on the back of my car? No. The best part is most of these people haven't even won a marathon. Merely just competed. I hope to compete in a grappling tournament at some point in the next year, I'm not about to go throw a NAGA sticker on the back of my car. Here is this wonderfully stupid human in front of me, and she is of the worst kind: One that thinks she is smart. Driving her Earth corroding hybrid, with stickers all over the back of (and I'm sure there are no environmental tolls from the production and distribution of those stickers right?) Supporting a man who has a giant airplane (Air Force One) solely for his transportation, and his transportation alone. Sitting at a standstill at green lights, wasting gas, braking too late and too hard, producing unnecessary amounts of brake dust, and least importantly to the world, but most importantly to me: getting in my fucking way. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 18th, 2009
10:28 pm	Wandering It has been quite sometime since I have posted. I have been writing, I just haven't been sharing. I'm planning big things, but I needed to be alone with my thoughts for a while. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 30th, 2009
10:59 pm	Solo You look at amazing works of art, in one medium or another. Music, paint, literature, amazing epics of each medium. Did that just flow out of the creator all at once, or did they frustratingly chip away at it until it was complete? Does it depend on the medium? I've had these unbelievable moments in my life where it seems as though creativity just pours out of me, and I can do no wrong. Everything I write or say is magic. But it is fleeting. That is why I have kept to short stories... but this, this takes too long. How can anyone produce something this big in a moment of genius. That must be one really long moment. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 27th, 2009
9:55 pm	9 weeks What can be accomplished in 9 weeks? I think a lot, but for most, not much. Just the same tedious everyday tasks. The weeks seem to be flying by, yet everything in my life feels as though it is at a stand still. I know I've been at points in my life where it feels like there isn't enough time in each day, but this time around, there really isn't enough time in the day. That's because I've let things get out of hand, let things slip away from me, that I should have stayed on top of. Do you ever wonder what you are paying for when you go to a restaurant  to eat? Are you paying for the service, the food, the atmosphere, or something else? The idea of someone working as a servant to another seems odd to me. Almost like you are temporarily renting a butler. The  ultra-rich have servants full time, do we pay to momentarily experience the feeling of extreme wealth? How many times have you been dissatisfied with your server at a restaurant, while the place was slammed, they were sweating their ass of trying to get everything done with a smile on their face? It's so odd to have to serve someone you don't know. I don't ask things of those I don't know personally. When I eat out at a restaurant, there are times I try to dig a little bit deeper into the life of the server. It can be difficult at times, because when at a restaurant, rarely are you a server's sole responsibility. It's this awkward dance of forced politeness, and exchange of the correct comments. So odd the interactions we have with one another. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 24th, 2009
4:02 pm	California Chronicles Part Two You may be wondering if this entry is titled "California Chronicles Part Two," where part one may be. Part one was written the first time I traveled to California, some four years ago. The original California Chronicles were hand written in a notepad. I don't recall what I wrote about, I don't even know where the notepad is. I don't even remember if I later posted those writings in this online journal. What I do remember is that my nights in California were sleepless. I was, at the time, on vacation with my family. Though it didn't help, it wasn't my fathers snoring that kept me awake. Fast forward to late 2007. Once again I am on vacation, this time another part of the country: the south. Once again I am sleepless. No it wasn't my best friend's snoring with whom I was sharing a room. Fast forward again to May 2008, and once again I am sleepless. This time there is no one snoring. I am by myself. Surely you are curious as to what is stealing my counting of sheep. No, it is not some overwhelming condition of home sickness. Perhaps it is a coincidence, it just seems that any time I depart from my cozy corner of the country I happen to be infested with thoughts I cannot control. Thoughts of women, women who have some how convinced me that they are of importance to my life. My first time I traveled here to California, I was heart broken over a break-up with the first girl I felt I ever truly loved. Today she is just a shadow of a memory. I had hoped traveling across the country would have inspired some miracle of writing which would release me from my heart ache. Nothing revolutionary came. Now I sit in Los Angeles. I've been in California for six days. If there was any loss of sleep this time it was because I've been sleeping on a couch. This time there has been nothing on my mind. Literally nothing. I've taken these meager six days as an absence from reality. There hasn't been anything ground breaking on this trip, no real revelation. But there are things that I want to talk about, things I saw, things I heard...things I didn't expect. Coming from a smaller town, with small minded people, it's generally seen as a sucess if you get up, and get the hell out. Where do east coast kids always want to go? California. Everything is happening in California. Better jobs, better people, better weather, better nice life...supposedly. So I was a bit surprised when a young woman I met this weekend talked about her self-disdain due to the fact that she has spent her whole life in her home town: Newport Beach, California. Newport Beach provided me one of the most enjoyable weekends in recent memory. The weather is gorgeous, the beach is readily available, the restaurants are nice, the bars are packed, and there are beautiful people every where. Hollywood is just up the road, everyone is driving around in a Mercedes Benz, BMW, Maserati, Porsche, or Ferarri. What's not to love about this place? Two of my very good friends live out here. They were from small New Hampshire towns just like me. Both of them seem to be enjoying their time here. Neither seem 100% happy. I always had this feeling that one thing would or could make me happy. I was always one thing away from being satisfied...if I could just have that one thing. At times it was money, at times it was a motorcycle or car, I hate to say it but sometimes it was a girl. But hearing this girl talk about her desire to leave this amazingly beautiful, and fun place, reaffirms the idea that there is nothing out there that can make me happy. Only myself. And if I obtain all the things that I think I want in life, and I am still not happy with who I am, or what I am, or where I am, then that means the answer is only inside of myself. It means that happiness is not an object, it's not even an emotion, it's a perspective. I think I could be happy in California, but I think I could also be happy in New Hampshire, or North Carolina, or a number of other places. I am actually very excited to return to New Hampshire tomorrow. Not because I miss it there, or I necessarily miss anyone there, but when I return I'll be able to facilitate myself to accomplish what I want. It is a possibility that a lot of what I have accomplished is more a matter of me being stubborn, rather then driven. I want that to change. There is a lot that I feel like I have yet to be accomplished. But at this point I have to thank everyone in my life past or present, kind or cruel, honest or truthless. Each of you have taught me something valuable, and helped to shape who I am. My friends, I love you. My family I'm learning to endure you, my enemies I shall never forget you. (Comment on this)
Thursday, March 12th, 2009
7:13 pm	This is why I hate humanity First watch this: http://webcastr.com/videos/underground/Teen-Commits-Suicide-Sexting-is-to-Blame-Jesse-Logan.com (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 11th, 2009
9:31 pm	With the devil's head in my hands This evening is the second evening in a  row that I found myself out and about, my mind racing with thoughts. I could not wait to get home and write about all the things I was thinking about. Both nights when I arrived home, the desire vanishing. Literally disappearing. Tonight however I've decided to force myself to write anyway, in the hope that the desire, and rational and provocative thoughts will return to me. I'm not entirely sure what these happenings mean. I think maybe it means I need a change of pace. I know I'll be getting one soon, but maybe not soon enough. Recently I've noticed that I have been spending more and more time by myself. This isn't exactly a conscious choice, more of a force of habit, or routine. Interestingly enough there have been quite a few people from my past popping up in my life, showing signs of interest, only to quickly dissipate. Handfuls of people have called me, sent me e-mails, sent me text messages, telling me how much they missed me, and how they wanted to see me. Only to later ditch plans, not return phone calls, not return e-mails, not return text messages. I really do not understand this at all. Why go out of your way to get my attention only to later blow me off? I understand that my peers lives' are different today then they were yesterday, with more and more of us having greater responsibilities, but in all honesty who has more responsibility then me? Very few, and I can still find time to see people in an attempt to make them happy. I am actually quite content keeping to myself. Deep down I am an artist, there is this creative side to me, that introverted art-weirdo side of me. Despite my normally loud, goofy, and outspoken personality I have a side of me that is infatuated with sadness, darkness, anger, wonder, and lust. I really do not care if it's typical, or cliche, or strange, it is part of who I am, and it has produced some very beautiful things, that I appreciate, and others have appreciated. It also seems that the older I get, the less concerns I have for the things I used to hold in high regard. Two items that rank high on that list are my personal safety and human life. There was once a time when I was what some would call a philanthropist, now I feel like humanity is an insignificant spec on the face of the Earth. When I start to think about all the arbitrary tasks we all perform each day just to satisfy the silly standards we've created for ourselves, and the biggest concern on everyone's mind is self preservation. We need to beat cancer, we need to beat aids,  we need to beat malaria, we need to beat heart disease. There are 6.6 billion people on the planet. That is so many people that at any given moment you can pick an arbitrary task and guarantee someone is doing it. right. now. Right now someone is giving birth. Right now someone is shoveling snow. Right now someone is accepting a marriage proposal. Right now someone is crashing their car. Right now someone is committing suicide. Right now someone is contracting an STD. 6.6 billion people. I cannot help but wonder if many of the disease doctors spend billions of dollars on trying to cure even existed before there were this many people on the planet. With so many diseases without clear causes, I can't help but wonder if it is just merely genetic mutation due to a vague case of inbreeding. How many bacterias have mutated to create new and never before seen problems? Either way all these diseases are mother nature's way of keeping the population down, yet we keep overcoming these things. I actually believe if we out smart mother nature, we will be hanging ourselves. Extinction. So where does that leave us? Well I used to think that it was my personal responsibility to save everyone. Now I feel like it's my personal responsibility to enjoy myself. Funny thing is, I enjoy myself quite a bit when I'm helping others. And with all the HUGE issues that are on our plates as humans and as Americans, I find it hard to believe that people think that they are so important that they can blow me (or anyone else) off. I've seen people lately with these enormous voids in their lives, and I've watched them scratch and claw in attempts to fill those voids. For some it's been bearing a child (probably worse way to try fix a personal problem in my opinion, your life is already shit so why not bring someone else along for the ride!) For others it's been attaching themselves to a significant other that is more then clearly just the first person who came along. Others try to fill their void by using other people, some by spending money on useless things. In truth we all have our own personal measurements for success, and we all have the things that make us happy, yet I feel like there are some standards that everyone should abide by. A certain moral code. Sure I think there should be about half the people on the planet then there actually is, that doesn't mean I resent those who are living. They were not chosen to be here, just like I wasn't chosen to be here. My own death would be a step in the right direction as far as population goes. If  someone wanted to wipe out a million people, there is nothing that should qualify me to be excluded from that group. But if we are going to be here thrashing through the planet, shouldn't we at least try to make the most of our time here? I can't help but look at the territorial battles that have taken place over the few thousand years humanity has been here. All those that murdered for land, eventually died, and truth be told the earth doesn't care where you lay down to die, your soul will fade away just the same in any place. If we MUST be here, then why can't we be kind to one another? If we are going to be here why can't we realize that being here is a privelage? If we must be here what makes us think we have the right to bring others here?  I am going to repeat myself: I am at the age where many of my peers are beginning to have children. I am a firm believer  that one shouldn't have a child until they have justified their own existence (though the requirements of that justification are blurry in my mind, I know I have not reached them). Given the insane amount of  people that roam the earth people still feel the need to reproduce regularly. Over and over I've heard people say "it's a mothers' instinct." or "it's a maternal clock." Well guess what, It's my instinct to fight other men, to reproduce with any mate I may find, and fight violently to keep her as my own. But I don't go out raping women and beating people up. Why? Because I am a human fucking being,  and we have rational thought. I know that I don't have kill an animal for food, I can just buy some meat at the store. I know I don't have to rape a woman because I can have an emotional relationship with one instead. I know I don't have to beat another guy to keep him away from my girlfriend because he isn't going to rape her. So why is it so difficult for people to realize that they can adopt a child, instead of bringing ANOTHER ONE into the world. "Hey there are 6.6 billion people on the planet, there is a definite lack of natural resources, are agricultural system is likely to collapse in the next 5 years, there is pollution every where from all the people, disease is strickening some of the bigger countries in the world, children are dying due to famine and dehydration, poverty and homelessness surround us, I can barely financially support myself in the worst economy my country has seen since the great depression, but gee ya know, I feel like I need to have a baby." Sometimes I think about all the drug addicts, rapists, muderers, child molesters, theives, etc... and I wonder if they hadn't been born, would others just have taken there place? I doubt it. This entry spans personal issues all the way to global ones. They are one in the same. If people are failing on an accute level of personal relationship and awareness, how can we collectively survive? You think you need someone else to survive? You don't. All you need is yourself. You think what you want is all that matters? It's not, because if everyone was focused on satisfying you, they wouldn't be able to exist, and then there would be no on there to provide for you what you so eloquently made yourself dependent on them for. And when you die those who weep for you will surely die too, and if you've spent your whole life only satisfying yourself, you'll be the first to be forgotten. Current Music: my crazy brain (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, February 5th, 2009
10:18 pm	Updates I know I haven't posted in a really long time. There have been a lot of things that have been provoking my thoughts lately. A lot of things are musical, or bigger projects that I can't just throw on here and update everyone immediately. There are going to be some big changes, and a really big surprise for everyone in the next couple of months. So stay tuned. Also check out my fitness log at www.livejournal.com/users/forcefedfreak I am going to be tracking my workouts daily. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 13th, 2009
8:04 pm	I traced my blood back to the gods I think I am going to cut right to the chase. I am not really in the mood to put much fluff here. Right now I just do not have it in me to try to wow anyone with acrobatic literature. I've spent the better part of the last three days in a car, doing things I'd rather not do, eating food I'd rather not eat. I was supposed to drive to Cape Cod, to have a RMV-1 form (yeah whatever the fuck that is) stamped by an insurance agency, so I could then bring the RMV-1 form to a Mass Registry in Plymouth, MA, to then deliver a car to Coventry, RI. I don't know why I was at all surprised that when I made my way to the registry I was assigned a number, and had to wait for 45 minutes before I could even talk to anyone. Naturally when I talked to them, I was informed that I did not have the proper documentation required to register the vehicle. An original copy of a signed odometer statement. My copy was not good enough. Did it matter that I had just drive 3 hours to do this? No. My problems did not matter. Why not? Because there is a system, and that system chains me to a 3x8" piece of paper, with someone's name scribbled on it with an immeasurable amount of ink, that came from a pen that was carved out of a larger piece of plastic, by a machine, in a factory, a machine ran by someone who goes to work in the same factory everyday, pushing the same buttons every day to make money to buy things they don't need. And how did the pen get to the person's hand? Of course it was shipped in a truck or a plane, driven by a person that drives a truck every day to make money, to buy things they don't need. And who built the truck that the driver drove? A person who goes to work in a factory every day, pushing the same buttons on the same machine, just to make money to buy things they don't need. And of course why did I need to bring a car to Ri in the first place? So some person can have a way to get to work, to make money, to pay for their car, and the other things they probably don't need. And on my second trip to Plymouth, MA to the same registry, talking to the same miserable women, who go to that clustered place every day to make money, to stay afloat as the chains of humanity try to pull them under, I overheard a receptionist telling an applicant for license that they need 4 forms of I.D. to take the drivers test. The receptionist said this in such a matter of fact way, like it's blatantly obvious that you would need 4 forms, and that it is the most important thing in the world that you have 4 forms. What is the most important thing in your life? Is it a tangible object? Is it a personal attribute, is it another person? What is it? Is there anything in your life that if taken away, you would just give up and end yourself? I mean really, what are we doing here? We all want a nice house, a nice car, a nice TV, nice clothes. But for what? We are eating away at our true home, we are killing the one thing that gives us life, and for what 70 years of selfishness? How insignificant is one life? But as the masses we are unbelievably strong and overwhelming, and now there are so many of us we need to regulate everything or else it will get out of hand. We need jobs to buy the things we want, but we need cars to get us to our jobs, and we need roads to use our cars on, and we need licensing and registration to organize those cars, and we need paper and pens to create the licenses and registrations, and we need cars to get the paper and pens to the people who are the registerers and registerees, and of course we need people to monitor the registering and licensing, and they need cars to get to the place where we do that kind of thing, and how could I forget where people buy cars, we need a company to make them, and then people to sell them, but how could I sell them if you didn't know they were there? So there needs to be a way for people hear about them, so we advertise on the television you bought but don't need, and you hear about it on the radio you listen to in the car you drive to get to the place to make money to buy the TV you didn't need. But I am getting paid to tell you about the car so you can't trust me, so there needs to be a group of people who's job it is to test things out and talk about them, and on, and on, and on. What would you do if there was only a hundred thousand people in the world total? Or ten thousand, or a thousand, or a hundred? What would you do? What if you woke up tomorrow, and there were only a hundred people left in the world, scattered all over the planet. Would you bother to dress up? Would you turn on the TV? Would you try to check your e-mail? What would you do? I know what I would do. Current Music: the acacia strain (Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 24th, 2008
8:33 pm	Top 10 Albums of 2008 It is that time of year again, where I stick everyone in the face with my grubby opinions. All in all I purchased 50 2008 album releases. Nearly one a week. And although there is one week left in the year, there is nothing about to be released (to my knowledge) that I think would mind blowing. So here it is, my top 10 Albums of 2008. 10. Secret Lives of the Free Masons- Weekend Warriors I was turned on to this band by a friend, and although I haven't taken the time to compare this album to their older music, I would say this album is as good of an introduction to the band as anything else they could have put out. Overall this album is extremely high energy, fortunately not in an overly poppy way. But just as the title states, it's high charged, and ready for fun. Even when the band makes slight stabs at more important things then drinking beer and partying (like girls, and backstabbing friends) they don't lose their fun, and amped up feel. It seems more and more there are far fewer albums that I can listen to start to finish, without skipping tracks. This is one of those albums. This band is so much fun, it's hard not to like them. Even the most serious of characters will find themselves singing along, and tapping their foot to the songs, hours after listening, as they easily get stuck in your head. And with song titles like "XanaX" "Chug and Leave" and "Life begins at 40oz" you know these guys are here to party. Stand out tracks: "Chug and Leave", "Airplanes" 9. Norma Jean- The Anti-Mother Norma Jean is an extremely easy band to hate with all the "emo" (ugh) tweens (ugh x2) running around with their t-shirts on, but sometimes you have to let a band's image go, and just listen to the music. And while listening to The Anti-Mother you'll hear something extremely familiar...the same dirty and raw riffage that Norma Jean has been doing for so long now (despite the member changes). It seems the band has lost some of it's original fans over it's last two releases, but there are songs that give you the chill of anticipation like their older tracks ("Like bringing a knife to a gun fight"). Interestingly enough Norma Jean calls on Chino Moreno of the Deftones to appear on a few different songs. I found this quite interesting due to the fact that Norma Jean was born of the band Luti-Kriss, and when originally introduced to Luti-Kriss many years ago, my best friend described them as "Deftones on speed." Chino's dreamy and again "raw" vocal stylings mesh perfectly with Norma Jean's sometimes ambient music. The Anti-Mother definitely utilizes a less-is-more approach, making it not so much about a break down, but letting a song breath (Much like a standout blues player lets a solo breath), but if you are looking for an album to amp you up, you should have this one your list. Hard, raw, aggressive, well-produced, and at times slightly catchy (In a brutal way of course) Stand out tracks: "Robots 3 HUmans 0", "Discipline your Daughters" 8. Atmosphere- When Life Gives you Lemons, Paint that Shit Gold Admittedly when I first purchased this album, I hated it. It wasn't because I had high expectations (in fact I think Atmosphere for the most part is hit or miss), but I just didn't give it a fair listen. I was looking for what Atmosphere has delivered before, hard beats, hard lyrics. I wasn't looking for (or expecting) the lyrical depth that this album produces. I will say that even now there are a few beats I am not too crazy about, but the lyrical content overrides any of that. Slug doesn't shy away from any topic on this album, but focuses mostly on issues that far too many Americans deal with in their life time, parents splitting up, teen pregnancies, family members dying, homelessnes, drug and alcohol addictions. If you are looking for ring-tone-rap, i'm sorry, but this isn't your album. Despite there being some production on this album that isn't my style, there are some songs that are straight up motivation. "Puppets" starts with a simple clap and piano sound in the background, no drums, letting Slug express some things verbally, but when the beat finally breaks, it evokes an incredibly overwhelming feeling, delivering that powerful expression that Atmosphere does so well. I don't know what it was like to live Slug's life, but I have a much better idea after listening to this album. It's probably the only album that can take me from wanting to stand on the counter at a bar and pump my fist, to nearly breaking down in tears all in the same hour. Stand out tracks: "Dreamer", "Your Glass House", "The Waitress" 7. Game- LAX Files I've been a fan of Game since his debut, and it doesn't hurt that he usually has the top producers in the game spinning beats for him, but he has a quality that a lot of other popular rappers are lacking, and that's a passion for making music that he wants to make, not what other people necessarily want to hear. For example the song "Angel" has such a ridiculously old-school beat, that most suburban whities would cringe at, but Game slaps it smack dab in the middle of the record, and kills it lyrically and makes it work. Game also takes listeners into deeper waters with "Never can Say Goodbye" a song about the loss of hip-hop icons Notorious BIG, Tupac, and other rap legends. Game flows, the production is nuts, it has lyrical content, I don't know what more you could want from a hip-hop album. It's an instant classic. Stand out tracks: "State of Emergency", "LAX Files" 6. The Ghost Inside- Fury and the Fallen Ones I can't quite recall how I stumbled upon this band, but it is nearly everyday I am thankful that I did. This album is a derivation of metal-core, no two ways about it. There is nothing new here, nothing revolutionary musically, but they do what they do, so damn well. Everything from guitar tone, to drums, to the singers scream is just perfect. This band doesn't bludgeon you over the head with needless and seemingly endless breakdowns. Instead they provide a high paced in your face album utilizing punk-style beats, brutal chugs, off-chords, and the type of screaming that even an un-trained ear could understand lyrically. The Ghost Inside is Killswitch Engage meets The Acacia Strain meets The Hope Conspiracy. If you like any kind of metal, or hardcore or punk, get this album. Stand out tracks: "Faith or Forgiveness", "Blue and Gold" 5. Trenches- The Tide Will Swallow us Whole Trenches is ex-Haste the Day (who also has a good 2008 release) singer Jimmy Ryan's newest project. I didn't know what to think of this album when I first heard it other then "This guy sounds like Zao." This album is droning, crushing, overpowering. It is monolithic in it's approach. Each track is laced with thick and low crunching guitars juxtaposed with airy and hollow lead parts (hollow in a good way!) creating a messy dream of music that is almost trance like. This album is just plain amazing. This album lives up to it's name, it actually feels like an unstoppable ocean tide pulling you deeper and deeper out to sea, until you are immersed in it. Transitions from track to track are seemless, aiding the tidal wave effect of this album. This is for fans of Zao, Intronaut, Jesu, and Pelican. It's rhythmic, it's HUGE. Stand out Tracks: none, they are all amazing. 4. Architects- Ruin Okay, so technically this album was originally released in 2007, BUT it was re-released with more songs in 2008, and since I missed it in 07, and since it's that good, I'm putting it in my top ten. Personally I feel tech-metal is hit or miss, but Architect manages to introduce mind-boggling metal shredding, into a realm that most hardcore-toughguys feel comfortable in. If you ever wondered what Dillinger would be like if they played more composed music...this is it. There is no showman shredding, there is no chaos for the sake of chaos, It is hectic, and anxious music, but it is all for a reason, and it is never overly done to the point of annoyance. The only thing that comes close to reminding me of this band is Oh, Sleeper, but then again Architects does the style so much better. It has it's crushing moments, it's unbelievable guitar playing, but it is just as relentless as an August Burns Red album. Stand out tracks: "Buried at Sea", "North Lane" 3. City and Colour- Bring me your Love This is yet another album I didn't care for the first time I heard it. I was so used to Dallas Green's first EP and album which in my eyes was more or less a Canadian Dashboard Confessional. Looking back, it makes me realize that Green's earlier work as City and Colour was exactly what you would expect a guy like him to do with an acoustic side project. Bring me your Love breaks out of that mold, it's a lot more...dare I say folky? The production sounds a lot more natural, and the guitar sounds like a classical, not the smooth buttery sounds of his older work. This album is some what dark, dealing lyrically with self-death (in fact the cover is a painting of Green sleeping, or perhaps even dead) The music is more composed from a melody standpoint, and in general has a lot more feeling then his older work. Listening to it, it is hard to believe he is one of the master minds behind one of the best screamo-bands currently on the scene (Alexisonfire). These songs have the power to make you feel in love. They are so powerful emotionally, and amazingly all very simple songs. It is a masterpiece start to finish. Stand out tracks: "Sensible Heart", "Confessions" 2. Joshua Radin- Simple Times There are some amazing songs on Joshua Radin's previous album, but this album is so much more complete. I can't think of any other artist that can do so much with so little natural talent. Radin doesn't have a huge vocal range, the guitar work isn't groundbreaking. His songs are simple, but have such a genuine feeling. Like Anthony Keidis, or Billy Corgan, Joshua Radin doesn't have a very traditional voice, but when he is singing, you know it is him. This album is soothing, it's smooth, and natural sounding. If this album was a smell it would be natural wood, if it were a sight it would be tall grass blowing in a breeze, if it were a taste it would be...warm apple pie. Stand out tracks: "One of those Days", "Friend like you" 1. Meshuggah- Obzen Meshuggah is known for their conformed chaos, their odd yet smart time signatures, their inexplicable grooves, and rhythmic riffs. Obzen doesn't dissappoint, yet for the first time Meshuggah packages it together in a way more structured then any before. I wouldn't dare call it "traditional song structure," afterall there isn't a track under 4 minutes long, with some pushing upwards of 5 or 6 even one reaching the 9:36 mark, however this is the most understandable messhugah album to date. That is only part of what makes it great. This album is intelligent. Meshuggah may play 8 string guitars, but unlike most "heavy" bands these days they don't ride the bottom string until they're blue in the face. Instead they use it in creative ways, such as just when you think the band has bottomed out on a note, they take it down another level lower when you least expect it, creating crushing waves of riffage, which is a perfect landscape for their vocalist to deliver his usual machine like barks. I used to listen to listen to this album my last semester of college while sitting in the library on campus doing logic homework. This album has such a flow you lose yourself in it, and in it's songs. Meshuggah didn't reinvent themselves, they just finally perfected what they were always working towards. Stand out tracks: "Bleed", "Obzen" Albums that didn't make the cut: Misery Signals- Controller: Maybe if Mirrors was never released this would be a consideration, but that was a tough act to follow and I think they came up a tad bit short, it's not a bad album, it's just not what I had hoped for. Unearth- The March: Many people weren't thrilled with their previous release, and have praised this one. It's not bad, but it doesn't give me any reason to listen to it, it's just another metal album. Protest the Hero- Fortress: The first time I heard PTH I was blown away, but they are a niche style of music, one I can only tolerate so much of. Once again this album isn't bad it just doesn't offer anything that their previous work hasn't already covered. (Comment on this)